Useless Drivel

You Know Who You Are!

2008-06-19T16:47:00.002-04:00

Mouths and Cashing Checks: Part One

2008-06-17T16:59:00.001-04:00

Every day I hear this idiot speak, I get angrier.

I get REALLY tired of hearing people say Bush and Republicans "engineered" the war in Iraq.

So, seriously, if you're going to get on here and try to argue that point with me, you're wasting your time. I wouldn't, if I were you.

Obama said Republicans "helped to engineer the distraction of the war in Iraq at a time when we could have pinned down the people who actually committed 9-11."

Here's the link: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D91C1SD01&show_article=1

It always makes me smile when people say stupid things.

On another note, the whole "baby mama" crap is annoying. Especially when Michelle Obama said it first. Here's the link:

http://mfile.akamai.com/5020/wma/rushlimb.download.akamai.com/5020/clips/08/06/061308_13_michelle_free.asx

Sure, Fox shouldn't have put it on there, but get over it. No different than CNN putting a big red "X" on Chaney's face a couple of times last year.

Obama is not some agent of change, people. By the way, if he's such a "messiah," then why does he need Al Gore's help on the environment and Bill Clinton's "help" in the Middle East?

...Yeah. Thought so.

I'm going to stay angry about this guy, by the way. There's your fair warning.

Things could be worse....

2008-06-06T15:56:00.000-04:00

...you could work with this guy. What a freak!

Looking forward to this? Seriously?

2008-06-05T23:13:00.002-04:00

"I must announce that the Zionist regime (Israel), with a 60-year record of genocide, plunder, invasion and betrayal is about to die and will soon be erased from the geographical scene," Ahmadinejad said.

"Today, the time for the fall of the satanic power of the United States has come and the countdown to the annihilation of the emperor of power and wealth has started," the hard-line president said.

Here's the link to the little bastard.

So, here we have this little guy running around in his Member's Only jacket still threatening Israel, and still calling the United States "Satan."

Here comes this guy, who think we can actually talk to this asshat. He goes and says something like this:

"Obama announced that, if elected, he wouldn't ask Iran to comply with UN resolutions as a precondition for direct talks with Ahmadinejad: 'Preconditions, as it applies to a country like Iran, for example, was a term of art. Because this administration has been very clear that it will not have direct negotiations with Iran until Iran has met preconditions that are essentially what Iran views, and many other observers would view, as the subject of the negotiations; for example, their nuclear program.'"

Here's the link.

That's nice. Let's piss off our European allies, and then get Russia and China to dislike us even more than we already do. Obama, and the Democrats in general, have stood on becoming more "respectable" to the global community and agreeable with our European allies. However, this doesn't sound more agreeable, to be honest. This sounds like the other end of the spectrum, but with the same results.

I'm so tired of the fainting and Christlike anointing already invoked by everybody in the media from Rolling Stone to Watching America.

Obama is no savior, guys. He's an empty suit run by powerful liberal backers and the mainstream media. If you want to live in a Socialist country, go live in China. I hope his candidacy, over the next 150 days, will be fought bitterly. I know I'll be fighting the good fight. I don't feel like having my taxes raised, letting illegal immigrants live off of me, or letting those who feel like they are entitled to the best things in life that don't work their ass off for it (like me).

Sorry folks. Won't be on that bandwagon.

...but that doesn't mean I'll be on this bandwagon, either.

It is Decreed:

2008-05-30T15:42:00.002-04:00

It is so Decreed on this date, the 30th of May, in the Year of Our Lord 2008, that Route 75, Supreme Overlord of this blog, does so name Gary Busey as the patron saint of Useless Drivel.

Live Long and Prosper.

Oh, and check this out, too.

That's What I'm Talkin' About!

2008-05-21T22:03:00.003-04:00

The American Idol. He was awesome this year, and I'm happy to see all of the journalists who called it a "knockout" for Archuleta last night...fall flat on their faces.

Suck it, journalists! ;)

Greatest. Fight. Movie. EVER.

2008-04-12T00:51:00.003-04:00

I finally found it on youtube!!!!

Feast your eyes on the glory that was, is, and ever will be: Gymkata.

I remember this movie used to come on TBS all the freakin' time. I think it's been run almost as much as Beastmaster and Road House.

Anybody who can kick a whole village of Eastern European ass astride a pommel horse is OK in my book. I guess.

Splinter in my Mind.

2008-04-10T00:02:00.002-04:00

I can't get this freakin' song out of my head.

Seriously. I've been trying for about three days.

Thanks, South Park.

Bastards.

Top Five Wrestling Moves of all time.

2008-04-06T21:00:00.000-04:00

Arn Anderson Spinebuster

Arn Anderson is probably my favorite wrestler of all time. "The Enforcer" wasn't just a moniker for "Double A," it was a way of life. He was part of the greatest stable of all time, and his spinebuster was the prototype for HHH and Batista's.

Van Terminator

RVD in his prime (during the late '90s ECW days) dropped some sick finishers. His "rolling thunder" was always one of my favorites, but the Van Terminator made the ECW crowds yell "Holy Shit!" more than a lot of other sick moves during the "Extreme" heyday.

Tombstone Piledriver

Since the days of the original "Rock" Don Muraco, the reverse, or tombstone, piledriver has been a devastating move. Ask Stone Cold Steve Austin, a reverse piledriver done incorrectly can paralyze. Done correctly, however, it's a move from which no one kicks out.

Stone Cold Stunner

The Stunner typified the WWE's "Attitude Era." The Stone Cold Stunner could be dropped on someone quickly, whether they were 180 pounds or 400 pounds, with pretty much the same effect. Your back on the mat, and Austin in your face, telling you he just kicked your ass.

Canadian Destroyer

While the Canadian Destroyer isn't the most well-known move, just take a look at the freakin' thing! You act like you're going to drop a piledriver on someone. All of a sudden, you flip over their back while still holding them, and launch their head into the mat.

Hope you enjoyed the post. Let me know about your favorite moves.

Omega Man

2008-04-06T00:17:00.004-04:00

Say what you want about Charlton Heston's politics, but the guy was a great actor. He'll be missed.

Story

Life Goes On...

2008-04-02T14:03:00.003-04:00

This has to be the craziest couple of weeks I've had in a long, long time. Clearly, I'm not going to go into specific details. However, those "in the know" (all two of you....and my mom) can understand what I'm talking about. The week prior to Easter was hectic, and sad. My wife's grandmother passed away quickly, and that left us reeling (as all deaths do to everything who has ever experienced it). During the middle of that week, my wife and I discussed some job opportunities that would better our family. Not only would it mean more money, but it would mean less travel (less travel=less gas). By Good Friday, I had interviewed for and accepted a new job. I've been in my current place of employment for four years. Not counting a year and a half working somewhere else in between, I've been with this agency for around seven years. When I thought about it at first, I felt guilty leaving.

That was before last week.

Again, I'm not going to go into specific details, but my wife is now going to be working with me. We have worked for the same agency before, and even in the same office building (I know, I'm sure you all sympathize). We'll be working together in the same building again, which I'm actually looking forward to (believe it or not).

It's sad to leave a place that has so much potential to help others, yet allows bureaucracy, top-heavy management, and a slew of counter-productive policies that harm more than help. When you're in the human services field, there will always be tough people/families to work with in all aspects of the job. That doesn't mean we, as an agency, make it tougher by presenting an air of aloofness and indifference. Not only are the clients and their families important (because let's face it: No clients = No revenue = No job), but the employees who come to work every day are important, as well. Are all employees good? Nope. Are there employees who deserve the hammer to fall on them every once in a while? Yep. Should you treat employees, who deliver crucial services to persons with disabilities, as expendable 100% of the time? No.

I've heard someone, "higher up," liken this job to that of a sales job. It doesn't matter how many families you reach, and whether or not you're the most liked person that delivers the services to your families. What matters is how much money you bring in.

That's a load of crap.

If you don't consider the impact of the employee on the families they serve, you are making an egregious error. Again, this doesn't mean I can pay you X amount of money a year for you to sit around and not make yourself financially reliable to the agency giving you a job. However, when the "bottom line" means more to you than the service you provide, in a service-driven field, you are in the wrong line of work. By the way, it's no secret to those around you if this is your mindset.

Your employees see it.
The public sees it.
Your clients and their families see it.

If you, as a client, felt like you were nothing more than a dollar sign, then you'd begin to discuss other possibilities with other people. Once that happens, all bets are off. You lose credibility in the community. You lose respect of your peers in the field. Most of all, you lose the people that make your "business" financially viable. You lose the families who utilize your services. Unfortunately for you, these families don't live on little islands in the middle of nowhere. They all know each other.

Literally.

They all talk, and they all come to the same conclusion on certain issues; unfortunately for you.

If you don't like it, take your philosophy of management and business somewhere else. I'm sure Wal-Mart or McDonald's management would be willing to take you into their family, where sales and financial results matter more than the happiness of those they serve.

In the meantime, enjoy the hot dogs, spelling contests, and Christmas parties with made-up song lyrics. I for one am glad to be rid of that nonsense, and I can get back to what I want to do with my life: helping the people who need it, and appreciate the fact their son or daughter are treated like a person instead of a dollar sign.

Route 75 Presents: Who Would Win?

2008-03-12T15:30:00.009-04:00

If you are like me (for your sake, I hope not), then you occasionally find your mind wandering into imaginative areas. For some people, their imagination can bring them new ideas about how they want to do things at work, live their lives, take care of their family, etc.

For me, it's kinda like an imaginary battle to the death. Yeah, that's how I roll.

I present to you, all three of you who read this blog (thanks, mom), the following:

Replicant vs. Terminator

Let's look at the two contenders:

1. Roy Batty (Replicant)

Tale of the Tape:

Gender Male
Designation Roy Batty
Model NEXUS-6 N6MAA10816
Incept date January 8, 2016
Function Combat, Colonization Defense
Phys. Level A
Ment. Level A
Famous Quote "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those... moments will be lost in time... like... tears..in rain".

Roy's pretty bad ass (as you would expect a pre Blind Fury Rutger Hauer to be). He pops eyeballs, puts his head through bathroom walls, and he's fast. What makes Roy so different from the regular, tired landscape of robots, androids, and their relatives is his overwhelming desire to live. Roy feels pain, he winces, but he also has the ability to demonstrate nostalgia, remorse, and compassion. Roy's uniqueness, speed, and desire to live (not to mention he's pretty strong and highly intelligent) that make him a contender in this fight.

2. The Terminator

Tale of the Tape:

Gender Male (in this case)
Designation None
Model Cyberdine Systems Model 101/T-888/T-101
Function Infiltration, Assassin, Soldier, All-around Bad ass
Physical Characteristics Can withstand small arms fire, endoskeleton consists of network of hydraulic cylinder and servomechanisms (i.e. can crush your head like a paper bag).

The Terminator is the thing nightmares are made of. When I first saw the original Terminator movie, I had nightmares for a week. When I saw the second one, I went home and prayed we'd never get pulled into a nuclear apocalypse, and giant metal robots (that look like chrome death) won't fire lasers at my head. Needless to say, if you were targeted by a Terminator, it would not stop until you were dead. If it had to swim the Pacific Ocean to find you in Indochina, it wouldn't pop out of a bowl of rice (thanks, Pulp Fiction). It would come up, twist your neck off, then jam the bowl of rice down your neck hole. The Terminator is relentess, and unless you hit it with a Tomahawk missile, you're pretty much screwed. While the Terminator has a nearly limitless cache of knowledge within its computer system, the ability to adapt and "think on its feet" may cause problems. Toe to toe, however, a Terminator could destroy a replicant. Thankfully for Rutger Hauer, most fights aren't toe to toe.

Physical Advantage: The Terminator

Mental Advantage: Roy Batty

Speed Advantage: Roy Batty

Fighting Skill Advantage: The Terminator

Intangibles Push

Winner:

Roy Batty

I can imagine the fight, early on, consisting of the Terminator throwing Roy through some walls. The Terminator would use its size and strength advantage to the fullest extent, without being able to get the "killing stroke" in due to Roy's reflexes and speed. After he was bruised and bloodied, Roy would begin to use the terrain/environment to his advantage. Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee, the Replicant would be able to keep the Terminator off his game long enough to finish him.

Hope you enjoyed the first installment.

How do you like them apples?

2008-03-02T12:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm not the biggest Sarah Silverman fan in the world, but this was pretty funny:

Not to be outdone, Jimmy Kimmel responds nicely. Don't miss Harrison Ford's bumper sticker...or the Fedex guy. Priceless.

Truth.

2008-02-26T15:46:00.002-05:00

Reality TV has gone off the deep end over the last few years. Unfortunately for me, I’ve been able to witness it firsthand. My wife loves this slop. I don’t know why, and I’m not going to use crucial brain cells in order to discern the mysteries of my wife. She would probably laugh at me, and throw the remote control at my head.

Not only am I regaled with Immunity Challenges on Survivor, but I’m privy to the inner-workings of “Road Blocks” on The Amazing Race. These two alone haven’t been that big of a deal. However, when coupled with shows such as Paradise Hotel, American Idol, and other drivel, it gets hard to stomach.

Enter Moment of Truth.

Seriously, this show is the herald of the downfall of Western Civilization. Ok, not really, but it’s pretty bad. Beforehand, contestants are subjected to a polygraph test and given questions ranging from embarrassing to heart-wrenching. After you answer these questions, you must then answer them again in front of a national TV audience.

Did I mention your closest family and friends are sitting twenty feet from you?

The object is to answer truthfully, and win as much as $500,000. I don’t know if anyone will ever get there, especially after last night.

The contest was a lady was a hairdresser from New York. Her husband was there, her mother and father, as well as her sister and brother. Let me go ahead and preface the rest of this post by saying this: When there are problems in a marriage, both people are usually responsible for at least a minor part of the difficulty. This lady’s husband seemed like a nice guy, but I’m sure he’s far from perfect (aren’t we all?).

So the questions are fairly innocuous to start. I’m paraphrasing here:

“Have you ever told someone their hair looked good when it didn’t?”

“Have pretended to be asleep when your husband wanted to have sex?”

After awhile, though, it got serious.

“Have you kept secrets for your dad that your mom didn’t know about?”

“Have you ever taken off your ring when out so people would think you were single?”

Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was the husband, my stomach would probably be in the fourth row of the audience. You know what’s coming next, don’t you? It gets worse.

“Were you still in love with your ex-boyfriend when you married your husband?”

To the skank’s credit, she answered “Yes” to all of these so far. By now she had won $25,000, but she just had to push it.

Since Reality TV is all about “pushing the envelope,” they really drive the knife in next. They bring out the “ex-boyfriend” from the previous question to ask the next question. Now, I’m pretty redneck when it comes to stuff like this. As soon as I saw the piece of garbage, I probably would’ve gotten up and tried to tickle his brain. To the husband’s credit though, he did not-which led the ex-BF to ask this question:

“If I asked you to leave your husband and be with me, would you?”

Man. That’s hardcore. The skank’s sister didn’t want to hear the answer, so she used the “buzzer” to get rid of that question. It made me laugh, because the “alternate question” was:

“Do you think I should be the person you married on your wedding day?”

And the road whore answered “yes.”

I would’ve just left if I was the husband. The poor guy sat there, with his head in his hands, listening to his wife say she’d rather be with someone else. Well, that question netted her $100,000. That’s a lot of change. By now all of the emotion was drained from her husband. But she kept freakin’ going. The next question:

“Since you’ve been married, have you had sexual relations with someone other than your husband?”

She answered “yes.”

Poor bastard.

In a moment of ultimate irony, the next question was “Do you think you are a good person?” To which she said “yes.”

Too bad she didn’t answer truthfully, and the polygraph said she was lying.

Not only did she lose $100,000, but she probably lost her husband, caused hard feelings between her mother and father, and now looks like a degenerate piece of white trash. It’d be easy to simply blame the networks and compare this type of “entertainment” with gladiators during the heady days of the Roman Empire. One hundred large is a lot of money, but think of everything you have to sell to get that.

Your dignity.
Your marriage.
Your family.

Networks don’t force people to come on these shows and trade self-respect for money the IRS is salivating over. This is the fault of people who think the quick and easy way to money will solve everything. It sure didn’t solve anything in this case, did it? There are some things you just can’t put a price on, and that’s the only Truth I need.

Digital Tub of Goo

2008-02-25T14:19:00.007-05:00

Blogging is like lifting weights, or even exercise in general, for that matter. When I was in high school, my junior and senior years were filled with lifting weights and playing basketball. I’d lift weights anywhere from three to four days a week. I’d play basketball the same amount (except in winter, when I might play once a week). Toward the end of my senior year, I stopped hitting the gym like I had. As time went on, when I had the chance to lift weights, I would often do something else. Hence, what were once toned muscles have turned into a tub of goo. Ok, well maybe not that bad, but you get the point.

Blogging has gotten that way for me. Whereas I once had a lot of traffic and reciprocated with those people who came to read my “useless drivel,” I’ve basically got this blog that’s turned into a digital tub of goo.

I’ve had plenty of chances over the past several months to blog. I’ve even thought about something funny as hell and thought, “Hey, that’d be a funny thing to blog about.” Unfortunately, I have neglected my blogging for other vices.

I’m trying to rectify that situation. Unfortunately, I deleted my freakin’ WV Bloggers roll from the left side of the screen. Hey, uh, Film Geek, can you email me yours?

I still probably won’t be able to blog as much as I used to, certainly not while I’m working (unless something funny strikes me, and I can quickly post it during my lunch).

But, for all intents and purposes, I’m back.

A Pirate Looks at Thirty...

2007-10-29T14:53:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know Jimmy Buffett did the song, A Pirate Looks at Forty. I also know my crude revision of it to suit my needs would do no justice to the real song. However, this is one of those times when I feel a modicum of introspection is needed.

Anyways, today I’m thirty years old. The big 3-0. I’ve had younger people look at me today and laugh at my misfortune. I’ve had older people I work with curse me under their breath, show me their middle finger, and opine on what they would give to be thirty again. I remember a friend telling me they didn’t get out of bed for two or three days when they turned thirty. I wish I could stay in bed for two or three days, but only because I haven’t had a good night of sleep for almost four years.

I remember turning twenty-one, and thinking about how my thirtieth birthday was so far away. I remember thinking about the “living” I had to do before I reached that plateau. I remember thinking about how I’d be pulling in a six-figure income, and living in a big house. I remember fantasizing about my life, and how everything seemed so organized and austere, for lack of a better word.

Now that I’m here, I wonder where all of those imaginings went! No six-figure incomes await my annual tax filing. No fast cars to drive to the store, and no palatial estate to come home to after work. There’s no clarity of thought to greet me in the mornings, and no “blank slate” in my head when sleep finally claims me at night.

Basically what I’m trying to say is this: Nothing turned out the way I thought it would.

While I have a good job, it’s a far cry from six figures. My Ford pick-up truck is on borrowed time (now that it’s paid off), and there’s always something to work on at my house. When I wake up in the morning, I have to hit the ground running. When I go to sleep at night, I’m thinking about the bills that need to be paid and the work that needs to be done in the coming days.

While I could sit and say “Why did my life turn out this way?” what good would that do? Besides, I have a family that loves me and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. My two boys are worth more than the “high life” I imagined for myself almost a decade ago.

I’m in a different place now than I thought I would be when I was younger. Do I wish I had done anything different? Maybe some of the small things could be repeated and improved upon (I never would’ve bought that crappy $400 computer from that guy who lived down from my residence hall, I know that!), but the major junctures of my life would be untouched by my older, and maybe wiser, self.

Now that I’m into my fourth decade of life, I know many new joys and challenges await me. For now, however, there’s not much to complain about (except lack of sleep), and I’m content in that knowledge.

Maybe I’ll have something to complain about when I turn forty.

Sweet Mother....

2007-07-30T14:06:00.000-04:00

...I've really got to update my blog soon!

A Legend Passes...

2007-06-13T10:35:00.000-04:00

I remember being a kid and watching Nickelodeon non-stop through the summer months. If it was too early to go outside in the morning, I was watching Pinwheel. When it was time to come in at night, after dinner I would sit down and watch Mr. Wizard's World. Mr. Wizard passed away yesterday morning, one month shy of his 90th birthday.

Thank you, Don Herbert.

...And Now for Something Completely Different!

2007-06-12T14:13:00.001-04:00

Where have I been? Around.
Why haven't I blogged? I'm kinda lazy.

Sorry to all those who kept clicking my site to see nothing but a month-old blog staring back at you. Yeah, I know it was disheartening, but you are all strong. I'm sure you found a way to get through your days without too much despair.

/sarcasm

But seriously though, there just hasn't been as much going on around these parts as there has been in the past. I can sum up the last two months for you like this:

1. Coached Soccer
2. Play basketball on Wednesday Nights
3. Kids still yell and fight and stuff
4. Still play X-Box 360 at 11:30 at night.
5. Still takes six hours of so to cut all of the grass on my property.

Seriously, that's about it. I don't like drama, and I'm not too big on change, either. Things have been "steady" over the last couple of months, and that's the way I like it.

Of course, now that I've said this, something is going to happen to me on the way home, or something. I don't always mean something bad, mind you, I just mean something is going to go down!

With any luck, I'll be posting my 100th blog sometime this summer. Maybe even in the next month or so if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it). Until then, keep watch, keep coming back, and hopefully I'll be back "in the swing of things" again soon.

Thanks, Jackie.

2007-06-12T13:59:00.000-04:00

74%

I somehow beat you....I'm not sure how that happened.

I Haven't Fought in a While....

2007-05-18T14:21:00.000-04:00

So maybe these two pics will help change that.

Thanks to the Lefty whackos for your artificial timetables (aka: Al Qaeda Victory Day or Iran Dominance Day....I'll let you choose) that do nothing to help the troops on the ground. When your leaders say the war is "lost," there's not much you can argue about.

I love to drive my truck, grill, and spray hydro fluorocarbons into the air every chance I get. I don't need some guy who's obsessed with the fact he lost the 2000 Presidential Election telling me how to live my life from the confines of his private jet.

I wish I had one for the nice little "Amnesty" bill they're trying to pass through right now, but I don't. All I can say is this: If John McCain is the Republican nominee, I'll stay home on Election Day.

Taking out the Trash

2007-04-25T12:06:00.000-04:00

Big Ugly is leaving.

I'm so glad she won't be peppering the news like she peppers the foot-long meatball sandwich she eats every hour, on the hour.

Bye, bye, Big Ugly. Can't say you'll be missed.

Route 75: Soccer Coach

2007-04-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

Very special thanks to Jedijawa for taking the pictures. You the man!

That's right. I'm a soccer coach. Of course, you can keep in mind my paltry little school (before I graduated in 1995, at least) never had anything resembling a soccer team. We played football, basketball, and baseball. But I digress....

Anyways, this past Saturday was our first game. Do I expect much? Absolutely not. The kids I'm "coaching" are three years old (my oldest son included), and I want them to simply go out there and have fun. Here's a picture of the field:

So, I meet with the opposing team's coach prior to starting. I say "I'd like to keep the goals the same, and not switch at halftime. No need to confuse three year olds."

"Uh, well, yeah, that's fine," she says to me.

"I mean," I go on to say, "we can switch if you want, I just want everybody to have a good time."

She nods, "Yeah."

So, I go back to talk with my kids, all of them barely higher than my kneecaps. I feel pretty good about the game, and I hope our kids will have a good time.

Usually when I feel pretty good the rug is pulled out from underneath me. Before I go any further, the answer is a resounding YES. I do understand these are three year olds. Unfortunately, other people aren't as perceptive as I am. The kids we played gave body checks, and two of our little girls fell several times. Every time our kids dribbled the ball one boy would use his arms to push our kids out of the way. Now, this isn't really what bothered me so much. What bothered me were the shouts coming from the other side.

One parent: "Get in their face and stop them!"

Another parent: "Take it away from them!"

One parent helping on the field, however, took the cake. Her daughter said she had to go to the bathroom. The mother replied, "You're not going to the bathroom now. You will hold it." Another time her daughter missed kicking a goal. The mother berated her in front of everyone. "If you had been paying attention to what you were doing, you would've scored." I didn't say anything, though I really wanted to. I also didn't say anything about how their kids kicked the ball out of bounds consistently (something our kids didn't do) and how their kids kept picking the ball up and putting it in front of the goal so they could conveniently kick it in. Again, I thought we were playing for the fun of it, so I didn't say anything.

To beat it all, they had a girl on their team that looked like she was six years old. Most three year olds barely make it past the middle part of your upper leg. This girl was almost up to my chest. This girl ran around the field and pushed several of my kids over. I really wanted to jerk a knot in her (and her parents') ass, but I held my tongue. Supposed to be for fun, right? Check out how this girl on the left towers over my kid:

Now I know why youth sports can be anxiety-provoking. After the "game" was over and our kids' shook hands, I got the parents together and told them we were going to work on defense at practice this week. As we were leaving, I noticed the other team sitting around their coach in a circle while she went over what they did wrong during the game. Some people just don't get it, I guess.

Sheryl Crow Worries About Your Bathroom Hygiene

2007-04-23T10:02:00.000-04:00

Do you remember the "Seinfeld" episode about the toilet paper? Elaine doesn't have any in her stall, and she asks to borrow some from the person sitting next to her. Well, the woman in the stall next to her won't share the Charmin, so to speak. The woman in that stall must be a Sheryl Crow fan.

I just read Sheryl Crow has some issues with toilet paper and sanitary napkins. In this story, Crow goes as far as saying:

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

At first this story made me laugh out loud. Is a vaunted member of the T.P. police going to be peeking over the stall to make sure I don't grab a handful? Are we going to waste even more taxpayer dollars on installing "environmentally friendly" toilet-paper dispensers? She goes on to quantify her toilet paper worries by saying "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

So what happens if you have a stomach bug? I'm sorry, but unless those "two or three" squares are about a foot long, then "pesky" doesn't begin to describe it.

This is where Al Gore and Socialist Europe takes us, I guess. Global Warming is now also caused by the massacring of innocent trees so we can wipe our backsides. Miami will be underwater in thirty years if we don't take the two-ply off the shelves of Wal-Mart stores everywhere! Those of you who think this is an integral part of "global warming fever," please experiment with the one square mindset. Go to Taco Bell, eat lots of spicy food, then take care of the "pesky" problem with two or three squares.

The moment idiotic ideas pushed by freaks like this take root in our society, is the moment I start an underground resistance movement. You can bet we'll use half a roll of toilet paper after every bathroom visit, I can assure you.

But it doesn't stop at toilet paper, Crow states:

I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

Maybe you could wipe yourself in the bathroom with the other sleeve. Have a good time trying to defend this lunacy.

I'm just warning you now.

2007-04-11T16:19:00.000-04:00

According to this website, Lakisha Jones is in danger of being voted out tonight. I swear to God, if Lakisha is voted out, then I will not watch that show, and may even fight a couple of people.

You've been warned.

Disgusting People

2007-04-10T14:57:00.000-04:00

Several months ago, I blogged about the personal responsibilities a father has to the children he helps bring into this world. I wrote about how, unfortunately, divorce is a reality many parents (and their children) must face. You can check out the blog here.

What makes it even harder is when the child has a serious disability, and the father isn't willing to do everything he can to ensure the child is taken care of. The father doesn't have to like the fact he is helping his ex-wife, but when the health of his child is in question, the point is moot.

I'm not blogging because this is unfair to his ex-wife. She's more than capable of handling her own responsibilities and needs.

This is completely unfair to his son.

You remember him, right, "dad?" The one with a G-tube and a myriad of developmental problems? The one who smiles like there is nothing in the world he couldn't do?

I hope you prove me wrong, and take some responsibility for your child. If you do not, then you are a repugnant, disgusting human being. You do not deserve any happiness if you make it impossible for your child to live out his life without care and/or concern.

Disgusting, indeed.

So Anyways....

2007-04-10T12:26:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it's been awhile, and I'm back. Lots of stuff going on in the Route 75 household.

Well, not really.

Here's just a couple of things I'd like to point out:

I wish I had a camera phone, because yesterday I saw a "Buckle Up With Jesus" license plate in someone's window at Wal-Mart. Now, I'm a Christian. However, would Jesus actually have to buckle up? Do I need to go into what the Creator of the universe could do if he really wanted to? I'm fairly certain that no car would come within three hundred miles of Jesus' car if he didn't want them to do so. I'm also fairly certain he would admonish me for the current state of disregard manifested by all the trash in my floor boards.

So, I got a ticket a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it was my fault. I passed on a double line going around a curve, and my inspection sticker was expired. I knew I'd be able to get the inspection sticker thing taken care of prior to paying any fines, and I was hoping I'd get to talk with the magistrate when I went to pay the aforementioned ticket.

Nope.

Some old lady with a low cut blouse informed me the ticket would be $165.50. I got all slack-jawed, but paid anyway. Here's the ticket breakdown:

1. Court Costs- $10.00
2. Fines- $5.00
3. Crime Victim's Compensation- $10.00
4. Law Enforcement Training Fund- $2.00
5. Regional Jail- $40.00
6. Court Security Fund- $5.00
7. Jail Per Diem Fee- $48.50
8. Community Corrections Assessment0- $10.00
9. Courthouse Improvement Fund- $5.00
10. Regional Jail Operations Fund- $30.00

I draw you attention back to number Two. If it's such a big deal.....then why is my fine only $5.00? Could they tack on any more fees? Could someone possible add a "John Travolta County Fly-Over" fee, or possibly a "Car made prior to 2001 fee?" I mean, seriously!!!

Ok. Now you can get back to work. I promise more stuff as time allows.

The New Message Board has Arrived

2007-03-15T14:48:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, check out the new WV Bloggers Message Board by clicking this link.

Stop by and talk about some sports, politics, you can even throw down with a Haiku or two!

See you there!

Signs and Portents: First Horseman

2007-03-09T13:38:00.000-05:00

I believe Christ is coming back one day, and I believe the world will end, as He said, in fire.

Last night, as I watched television, I realized one of the great seals had already been opened and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse have been loosed upon the world. In case you missed it, here is the First Horseman:

It is only be some type of hellish power this guy has made it into the Top 12 of American Idol. His long hair, and seemingly collagen-shaped lips remind me of some chick I'd see on a mascara commercial.

But that's not the point. Here's the point:

HE STINKS.

The only way this kid could've possibly made the top 12 is if the world is readying itself for the Apocalypse. If anyone needs me, I'll be stocking powdered milk, cream corn, and sardines in our basement.

Five Things that Rub Me the Wrong Way.

2007-03-07T13:07:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one, so let's get it going.

5. Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart so much. How much? So much that I drop hundreds in there on a monthly basis. I know there are two-year old kids in Taiwan who knit the band on my underwear. I know Mr. Jones' store on the corner, you know, the one that's been there since time immemorial, is going out of business because you can't buy storage containers, iPods, or the cheap version of Captain Crunch at the corner market.

I know. But I go anyway.

I go to mill with the throngs of unclean sinners. The tide of trash that spews from the pharmacy aisles and kiosks littered with titles like The Beastmaster, Total Recall, and Roadhouse slams into me like a giant wave of government check stubs.

God, I loathe Wal-Mart and its wayfarers of my tax dollars at work.

4. Slow Drivers

Yeah, this is probably one most of us can agree upon. I swear, these people don't populate the roadways until I'm running late for work. I think they have a communications tower installed at the mouth of Route 75. That way, when they see me tearing out of there in the mornings, they have the ability to call in the reinforcements. This is when everybody's grandma and grandpa storm the Interstate like Patton's Third Division sweeping down into the Ardennes.

After you cross 70, you should have to renew your license every year....and stay out of the frakking left lane!

3. Fanboys

This is a fanboy.

Know him by his physical appearance.

Here:

Or Here:

Even Here:

This is why I must hide my love for science-fiction from the world at large. I could be mistaken for one of these unmarried bachelors, living in their parents' basement, and playing with their lightsaber a little too much!

Also Note: Steve-Dave

2. Andy Dick

I've already blogged about this waste of skin, so I won't regale you with much more. Addiction-smaddiction. Get help, asshat. Until then, I hope people will have the common sense to not show this utterly unfunny human being on television.

1. Work

Work is overrated. Man, I would sleep for about six or seven hours at work if I could. I would wake up to eat lunch, go to the bathroom, then fall back asleep. But then I realize, if I didn't work, how could I pay back the government every year at tax time.....and how would this family buy their groceries or Garth Brooks CD's from Wal-Mart?

I've gotta think of the kids, man!

...And I don't Have to Cut Any Heads Off!!

2007-02-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

I'm going to live forever.

That's right.

In the best Ron Burgundy you can muster, say it aloud: "It's science."

Scientists are now saying it's possible, with a little cash and TLC, we'll be able to live forever, if we're alive in twenty years, that is....sorry, Film Geek. Ha!

Read on for the specifics (if you dare):

Telomeres are special, essential DNA sequences at both ends of each chromosome. Each time chromosomes replicate a small amount of the DNA at both ends is lost, by an uncertain mechanism. Because human telomeres shorten at a much faster rate than many lower organisms, we speculate that this telomere shortening probably has a beneficial effect for humans, namely mortality. The telomere hypothesis of aging postulates that as the telomeres naturally shorten during the lifetime of an individual, a signal or set of signals is given to the cells to cause the cells to cease growing (senesce). At birth, human telomeres are about 10,000 base pairs long, but by 100 years of age this has been reduced to about 5,000 base pairs.

Telomerase is actually an enzyme (a catalytic protein) that is able to arrest or reverse this shortening process. Normally, telomerase is only used to increase the length of telomeres during the formation of sperm and perhaps eggs, thus ensuring that our offspring inherit long "young" telomeres to propagate the species.

-Taken from cited article at bottom of this post (no, I don't care about correctly citing this article!)

I was actually looking forward to swordplay, taking heads, and taking the Quickening of others. Shucks!

Read the entire article here.

Technical Foul

2007-02-15T09:59:00.000-05:00

Timmy Hardaway used to have one of the sweetest crossover moves in the NBA. His finger roll was Gervin-esque as he sliced to the basket.

Hell, I've actually got his autograph, believe it or not.

Now, he won't be remembered for the slick moves on the court.

He'll be remembered for this.

Freakin' Idiot!

Taking it one step further....

2007-02-14T23:49:00.000-05:00

Film Geek started it, so props to him....I'm just going one step further. Here's the greatest romantic movie scene of all time. Happy Valentine's Day.

Common Interactions

2007-02-14T13:49:00.001-05:00

Me: You WILL let your brother play with your lightsaber!

Him: No, I no want to!

Me: Maybe I'll just take it and put it away then.....

Him: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Fine! But he is going to play with your Guys.

Him Thinking, then: Here's my lightsaber, Casey!

Me: Thank you.

Him: Daddy, you happy with me?

Me: Yes, sweetie. Daddy is very happy.

Following in the Footsteps....

2007-02-02T14:04:00.000-05:00

Fine. Everybody else has done it, so I will, too.

Who was your best friend?
Steve S. and Joey E.

What kind of car did you drive?
1985 Plymouth Voyager...called it the Yellow Submarine.

It’s Friday night. Where were you?
Football game. Drunk.

Were you a party animal?
Yes. Glad I'm not as stupid now.

Were you considered a flirt?
No. Still not a flirt.

Ever skip school?
Yep!

Were you a nerd?
No. I hung with the "popular" crowd....like that means anything now.

Did you get suspended/expelled?
Suspended for skipping, and getting in a massive fight at the Field House during a girl's basketball game.

Can you sing the fight song?
Yes, but I'm not going to.

Who was your favorite teacher?
Mrs. Morgan was my favorite teacher. She taught AP English, and it's because of her I write in my spare time. I can actually say I love her, and she gave us all a framed poem entitled "The Wild Swans at Coole" by W.B. Yeats for Graduation. Mr. Morgan was my second favorite (her husband, obviously). He was the Spanish teacher, and the fan section of basketball games would give him a "shout out" at every game. He sat up at the very top....and would kick back a couple of brews before making his entrance. I loved that guy...even though he kicked me out of class five or six times!

Favorite class?
AP English and Yearbook

What was your school’s full name?
Williamson High School

School mascot?
Wolfpack, baby! But the alternative was A boot stepping on a human face...forever.

Did you go to Prom?
Yes.

If you could go back and do it over, would you?
No chance in hell.

What do you remember most about graduation?
Pretty boring, actually. Went, scoped a party afterwards, party sucked. Went home and played Nintendo 64.

Who was your high school sweetheart?
Me.

Where were you on senior skip day?
In bed.

Did you have a job your Senior year?
Yes, I tossed pizzas. It sucked.

Where did you go most often for lunch?
We would hit McDonald's, Wendy's, or some other place. Sometimes I would walk home (lived a couple of blocks away).

Have you gained weight since then?
*sigh* Yes.

What did you do after graduation?
See above.

When did you graduate?
1995

Who was your Senior prom date?
A friend. Those were the best prom dates so we didn't have to worry about dancing with other friends.

Are you going to your 10yr class reunion?
We didn't even have one.

Who was your home room teacher?
Mrs. McCoy

Who will repost this after you?
Not sure....but I really don't care! LOL.

Quote of the Day 1/26/07

2007-01-26T13:49:00.000-05:00

"No, Hobbes, nailing a live octopus to a wall is impossible, everything else is merely difficult."

-Private Investigator John Taylor, discussing "challenges" with a particularly snooty butler.

"Hell to Pay: A Novel of the Nightside" by Simon R. Green

Focus

2007-01-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

If you searched the internet for "people who worry too much about stupid stuff," you'd probably find me right at the top. It never fails. I'll be sitting in a meeting, some small, insignificant bit of information will be bandied about by others at the table who don't give it a second thought. Immediately I spring to attention, focus on that insignificant bit of flotsam, and race off (sometimes physically, as well as mentally) in another direction.

It's not just work where insignificance comes to bear on my being. If I'm driving, I'll focus on the guy who I passed ten minutes ago. It'll be some idiotic observation like, "man, he was driving slow," or "I didn't know someone could fit their whole finger up their nose like that!"

You know. The most insignificant, unimportant of the Useless-Drivel you find on this page.

It doesn't take much to change things like that, at times. Times when you take your child to the doctor's office to "check" on something that has been worrying you. Human nature dictates that our "moments of clarity" are separated by so much filler. That filler, of course, is the "ho-hum" of our everyday lives. I don't think we (humanity) are meant to maintain this "focus" for extended periods. Focus is overrated. Focus means being hyper alert. Focus means you direct your attention-both divided and undivided-toward that area.

Nothing like hearing your son may have a brain tumor to bring the whole "focus-o-meter" into 20/20 clarity.

When our oldest son's pediatrician relayed phrases like "simply precautionary," "highly unlikely," and "he's fine, we're just making sure" all we heard was:

"Neurological."

"Tumor."

"MRI."

I came back to work that evening after the appointment, and tried not to think about what may-or may not-happen to my oldest son. I came in, looked around, and told one of my co-workers "I can't do this right now. I'm going home to be with my family."

There's nothing like a seemingly eleventh-hour plea with God to get your heart racing. A lot of people told me I was overreacting, that "everything will be OK," and "oh, he'll be fine!"

It's really easy for those people who aren't faced with a direct threat to the life of their firstborn to say that. Of course I'm not talking about the words of encouragement our family gave to us. They're exempt from my derision in this matter, because they suffered along with us.

For almost two weeks we wallowed in absolute agony thinking about an all-too-uncertain future. It was in my most private moments when tears would fall, when I would pray, yell, plead with God that my son be spared from harm. I would say "God, let me bear this burden, if it's your will. Please don't take my son." It'd be easy to look at me, hear me saying this, and think I was overreacting.

I was overreacting to a possible outcome. It's better to be safe than sorry. It's better to make an attempt to curry favor with "The Big Man" at 11:30PM than at 11:55PM....when it may be too late.

As my wife and I took our oldest son, whose third birthday was only three weeks away, to the hospital so he could have an MRI, we would glance at each other and look away quickly. As if moments of direct eye contact would cause our fears and hopes to come rushing out of us. Neither of us wants to be weak in front of the other. More importantly, neither of us wants to be weak in front of our children.

He took his medicine that would sedate him, sat on mommy's lap, and talked to both of us about the things he found important (his bear, whether or not he would allow his younger brother to play with his toys, his favorite uncle, his mommy and daddy).

After his test, he lay sleeping on his bed. I went to his pediatrician, and a nurse told me it would be "Monday at the earliest."

"Like hell," I muttered. I told the nurse I understood it wasn't her fault, apologized for my language, and briskly walked back to Radiology to demand results. Once there, I think I scared a nurse who had been nice to us. I apologized again, and said "Ask the radiologists if they have children, and if they'd be willing to sit helplessly over an entire weekend to find out whether or not their child had a tumor."

She agreed, and left. Moments passed, and she came back.

"Both radiologists looked at the test, and both said there was absolutely nothing there (that shouldn't be)."

I almost collapsed. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I smiled, breathed a little easier, and thought about the juicy steak I would be enjoying soon at O'Charley's. That night, he was back to his normal self. We removed him from the "Pedestal of Sainthood" (as in, he could do no wrong) over the last few days, and put him back into the "you scream and yell, you go out with daddy and sit in the car" category. Sure enough, he acquitted himself in the fashion of the latter. He wasn't happy about it. I was as happy as I could be.

I haven't been as focused lately. I've started noticing idiots on the road when I driving again. I've also returned to picking up the subtle body language of those around me....something I'm actually pretty good at, by the way. I've started playing my X-Box 360 again, and I don't take long glances at my sons like I'll never see them that way again.

For now, my son will still grow up. He'll throw baseball with his old man out in our backyard. He'll yell at his brother (until his brother finally punches him in the head....which wouldn't be a bad thing). He'll tell us he hates us. He'll drive our car. He'll fall in love. He'll have kids. He'll make me a grandfather.

I promise, when these times finally arrive, I'll lapse back into the hyper vigilant mode of focus only the true and raw moments in time with your children can bring. I'll remember those (as I'll remember my most recent) moments of focus with a clarity undimmed by years and age.

Until those times arrive, however, I'm just going to drift off. Wake me up when they get here.

The Greatest "Bad Ass" Names in Movies. Ever.

2007-01-12T12:52:00.000-05:00

So, I've been wanting to do this post for awhile but I just haven't had the time. I came up with a list of five names that I proclaim to be the most "bad ass" names in all of moviedom. Enjoy:

1. Khan Noonien Singh

I never forget a face....

Khan is one of the greatest enemies, and subsequent bad ass, of the Star Trek Universe. The guy was created/cloned, gifted with heightened senses, strength, and intellect. I'm not sure what the scientists in the late 20th century ST Universe were doing, but I'm also fairly certain they didn't expect Khan and his "supermen" to take control of the planet. Of course, the rest of us "normies" won, but not before Khan's ilk lay waste to Earth in the Eugenics Wars. I definitely wouldn't want to meet this guy in a back alley, even if it was a back alley on Fantasy Island!

2. El Cid

From my cold dead fingers....wait....

I love the story about El Cid. Bottom line: the guy fought the moors in Middle-Age Spain, even fought against some Christian rulers of Spain. The guy was a fearsome warrior, and stories are still told of his sword, Tizona. Legend has it that, after he died, he was strapped to his horse and sent out to battle. That alone gives him "bad ass" status.

3. HAL 9000

What are you doing, Route 75?

Sure. Laugh it up all you want about this choice. Ask Dave Bowman and Frank Poole if they didn't think Hal had the ability to make life hell for those around him. You could especially ask Poole....if Hal hadn't blown him out an airlock. I'm not sure he'd appreciate being called a bad ass....but I wouldn't say it to his face,er, eyehole.

4. Apollo Creed

I still hate Russians

Dude, if your nickname is the "Master of Disaster," then you automatically belong on this list. Apollo Creed is Tyson, Ali, Frazier, and Joe Lewis all rolled into one. Sure, Creed got dropped by Dolph Lundgren, but he was past his prime by that time. I would've put "Action Jackson" on this list, but I decided not to (you can thank me later).

5. Thulsa Doom

Now they shall know why they fear the dark.

Forget Darth Vader. Forget Terrence Mann (oh, maybe not the last one). Thulsa Doom was the greatest villain played/voiced by James Earl Jones. Conan the Barbarian remains one of my favorite movies of all time. Basically, Doom kills Conan's family, sets himself up as the powerful ruler of a cult, and begins to systematically enthrall everybody. Anyone who says, when speaking of his enemies,"Infidel Defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood" deserves a nod to bad-assedness in my opinion. Plus, he helps Conan "contemplate" his short comings on the "Tree of Woe." Oh yeah, did I mention he can transform into a huge snake?

Holiday Home-Stretch: Coast Mode (12/6-12/25)

2007-01-03T14:15:00.000-05:00

From the middle to the end of the Christmas Season, the family and I simply tried to make the most of our days leading up to Christmas. We were doing well....until around December 21st. We hit a little "snag," if you will, as I talked to Ralph on the Big White Phone....while at work, mind you. I don't think Film Geek believed me as I talked to him, and he kept making the "are you just trying to get off the phone with me?" comments. Oh well. I guess he knows now. ;)

The next day, my wife caught the same bug, and we pretty much limped into Christmas. Sorry, sweetie!

Christmas Eve was great. We went to church, came home, and Tristan made sugar cookies with mommy while daddy took pictures. After the boys were in bed, "Santa" worked diligently until 2:30 am to put presents together. When the boys got up the next day and opened their presents, our living room was akin to some warzone you'd see in a movie. Animals, action figures, wrapping paper, and boxes were laying everywhere. My wife and I knew we'd have our work cut out for us during clean-up, but for the time being we simply watched the two boys run from toy to toy (like Randy in A Christmas Story). We knew we'd done a good job, but we were ready for everything to be over with by this time!

That's our Christmas Season. Sorry it's so late, but there you have it!

ps- I took the tree down on December 26th....need to take the outside lights down still, however!

See ya later, Alligator....

2006-12-29T12:43:00.000-05:00

Just saw where Saddam Hussein will be executed no later than Saturday....tomorrow. Hopefully the thousands of Kurds he gassed in the 80's will be there to usher him off to hell.

This isn't a post about US foreign policy, it's simply a post about justice for those he oppressed. The guy even got an appeal, which was rightfully denied. That shows there are some good things coming for Iraq. A judicial system not based on Islamic Law (Sharia) but based on personal freedoms is fine with me.

Discuss.

Eric Cartman or Gil Gerard?

2006-12-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

Sweet God, when I saw this I laughed for five minutes!!

Pauly Shore=PWND!!!!!

2006-12-13T15:55:00.000-05:00

Remember that one blog I did? It was about how much I'd love to have just Five Minutes to beat some people down?

Well, this guy beat me to #4 on my list! Yee Haw!

Holiday Season in Slow Motion II: 11/23-12/6

2006-12-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I think I've actually done a pretty good job of keeping things "in perspective" this year. The wife and I got all of our shopping done extremely early (ok, so she did 99% of the shopping....but she's good at it!).

I really have tried to slow it all down for myself this year. In 2004, Tristan wasn't quite yet one year old, so he could've cared less. In 2005, Casey was already a wild man (at three months old!), and Tristan suffered "present overload" in Clendenin, so that made it fairly difficult and I was happy to get back home and throw the tree back in the box.

This year, however, Tristan is old enough to enjoy the tree and lights (inside and out), which is one reason why I wanted to "soak it up."

When I put up the lights outside, Tristan stayed outside with me and "helped daddy" while Casey watched through the windows.

When we're in the car, Tristan will look and point at every house with Christmas lights. Occasionally he'll also show his little brother the different lights with a "Casey, look at lights!" Of course Casey could care less as he's glued to the DVD currently playing in front of him.

It certainly feels like it's gone slower this year, and that's a good thing. Tristan hasn't attempted to tear into the presents already....uh....present underneath the tree (although some ornaments are curiously missing). As a family, we've been able to relax at home and watch Christmas movies (aside from the occasional outing) without being too stressed out by trying to find gifts for others on a less-than-Trump-like income.

I guess we'll have to see how the rest of the season goes. Hopefully it will continue to progress like it has to this point.

Here's my Open Letter

2006-11-29T13:52:00.000-05:00

In response to this letter from this guy.

Dear President Tom,

Eat me.

Sincerely,

Route 75

ps- Bring it.

Sweetest Sci-Fi Intro Ever!

2006-11-23T23:06:00.000-05:00

Gil Gerard, you're the man.....Wherever You Are!!!!

Holiday Season in Slow Motion

2006-11-17T15:13:00.000-05:00

I've been a contributing member to a pretty good thread over at the WV Bloggers Message Board over the last week or so.

The Film Geek brought opined on how Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday, and Christmas feels way too rushed.

I agree with him on the rushed sentiment, and I've been thinking of ways to slow down my holiday and actually try to enjoy it for the first time since we've had kids.

I'm not sure how I'll end up doing, but I'm going to try and "take it all in" as best I can. I wish we could make both of our families just come to us on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day....but that would be rude and inconsiderate (plus, it would probably take a nosedive anyways).

So, I'm going to try and take in all the sights, smells, and memories as best I can this year without being caught up in the "rush" of the moment.

It probably helps that we've finished our Christmas shopping already and we don't have to fight idiots at the mall for Elmo's, bottles of Bath and Body Lotion, or Books.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Thirty-Six Years Ago (in Pictures)

2006-11-14T10:25:00.000-05:00

1970 Marshall Football Team

We Are...Marshall.

picture credit: Huntington Herald-Dispatch

Shooting from the Hip

2006-11-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

I swear I didn't want to do this right after an election, but I'm afraid I have to. In all fairness, the Left doesn't have the market cornered on idiotic statements, because people on the Right make more than their fair share.

I occasionally check out this site, just to get my "irish up." I can only take openly political news/information sites (Left and Right) in small doses, because I'd go nuts if I depended only on them for any information.

Anyways, I check out this transcript of an exchange on "The View" between Elizabeth Hasselbeck and The Mouth:

Rosie O’Donnell: "Faith or fear, that's your choice. You can walk through life believing in the goodness of the world, or walk through life afraid of anyone who thinks different than you and trying to convert them to your way of thinking. And I think that this country–"

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "Well, I'm a person of faith, so I, but I also believe–"

O’Donnell: "Well, then, get away from the fear. Don't fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers."

Don't fear the terrorists? They're mothers and fathers? I'm not sure she's paid much attention to the fatwas issued by these Islamofacist groups that state no American is safe from them. As far as whether or not they are mothers and fathers is concerned, well, they either a) blow themselves up and make their sons and daughters into orphans or b) teach their kids to grow up and become terrorists.

People like The Mouth would have every right to equate terrorism with policies of this administration IF terrorism began in the past six years. Unfortunately it hasn't, and has been around for much longer than her left-leaning selective memory.

As I said, the Left doesn't hold sway on pulling off hipshots like Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

I actually like Rick Santorum, and I agree more with some of his views than others. But, when he went all "Middle-Earth" during the campaign, what was I supposed to do? Agree with him? Was I supposed to whip out the Light of Earendil and holla in the Elven tougue?

No! I laughed for about ten minutes!!

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else.... It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

Was he speaking at a Tolkien convention populated by overweight, single men? I'm not sure where he was when he said it, but that quote would've been best-suited for the cutting room floor.

Basically, what I'm saying is this: I wish everyone would shut up and think for a couple of minutes before they open their mouth. O'Donnell? She probably shouldn't talk at all until she gets a history lesson. Santorum? Well, he learned his fate on Tuesday, so now he will be able to read Tolkien to kids at the library since he doesn't have anything else to do after January.

Charley Rangel? He should take a couple of weeks vacation in Mississippi.

Route 75 Presents: Asshat of the Month November 2006

2006-11-03T09:31:00.000-05:00

Asshat for November: Kanye West

MTV Europe does not care about black people!

Seriously, you guys laughed (well, some of you did) when he went on his tirade at the Hurricane Katrina Benefit in 2005. He seemed, to some of you I'm sure, sincere in his reproach for the administration.

After last night? Not so much.

Talk about a sore loser! When he found out he didn't win Best Video at the MTV Europe Award Show last night, he got up on stage and berated the winners!

I don't know how anybody can take this guy seriously after some of the things he's done. He seems pretty self-serving and self-involved, and to give someone like him the ability to make his views known makes us all "Asshat Runner-Ups."

Quote of the Night (by Kanye West): He said he should've won because the video "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons."

Asshat Winner Hands Down.

Jim Webb=Done!

2006-10-27T10:15:00.000-04:00

Wow. Sorry about your luck, Virginia Democrats. George Allen will be going back to Washington.

Sorry, Webb, you freak of nature.

Just Five Minutes.....

2006-10-23T09:56:00.000-04:00

How many of us have said something to the effect of: "Man, I wish I had five minutes alone with that piece of crap." Well, I thought that would make an interesting blog post, so I think I'll do the Top Five I would like to have "five minutes" with in a no-window room. You know, just so we can, uh, talk.

*Preface- No women were beat up in the making of this blog*

5. Baby Bear

Save it. This guy isn't cute. He's the most annoying muppet, puppet, pupa, whatever. I think it has something to do with the whole speech impediment. He's in "Elmo's Potty Time," which is currently being viewed five times a day on the car DVD player. I swear to God, if I hear him say "Cuh-wey Beah-yaw has to go Woo Woo" (Curly Bear has to go Woo-Woo) again I'm going to grab him, rip his head off, and shove him down the toilet after his kid sister takes a dump. Yeah, that's right. Muppets and Puppets aren't safe from my list!!!!

4. Pauly Shore

Sweet God, I can't believe this guy hasn't killed himself yet. I remember being in 8th grade and thinking his stand-up entitled The Future of America was the funniest thing I'd ever heard.

Man, I wish I could go back and kick my ass.

Not only is Pauly Shore unfunny, but he is also apparently a recovering sex addict....you mean this guy gets to have sex? For that reason alone he's in my "Five Minutes" Club.

3. Andy Dick

I'm fairly certain this picture says it all.

2. Keith Olbermann

Back in the day, from 1992-97, Olbermann was a sportcasting god. I loved watching the interaction between him and Dan Patrick. His trademark "Gone" phrase any time someone went "yard" during a baseball game made the 11pm Sportscenter "must see TV" for me.

Then he disappears for awhile.

Now he's back, and he annoys the crap out of me. You should've stuck to sports, Keith. If you had, those 20 people that watch your low-rated Bush-bashing bonanza would instead be treated to your strengths...which is calling the highlights of sports and using your sense of humor. Now, you're just a dime a dozen. Somebody needs to shake some sense into you, and I wish it could be me.

and #1....

1. Gray's Anatomy (the entire cast)

Has anyone ever heard me mention just how much I HATE. THIS. SHOW?

Here's a quick run down of Gray's Anatomy:

1. Sex
2. Some surgery (or angst about upcoming surgery)
3. Something goes terribly wrong with a patient who should have no problems.
4. Sex
5. Patrick Dempsey in an elevator with Meredith Gray.
6. George acting like a moron
7. Sex, usually the philandering kind by this point.
8. That fat Latino chick eating
9. Meredith Gray having sex for the 10th time this episode.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Sex, somebody dying, and Meredith Gray's inner monologue prior to showing everyone her junk.

I'd run through the whole cast with my Ford Ranger (only to maim them, of course). That wouldn't even take five minutes.

That's it. I wanted to put Tom Cruise on this list, but the Scientologist's may shut my blog down, and I couldn't have that!!

Sniped

2006-10-18T13:23:00.000-04:00

Proving that White Men have no hangtime was apparently easier than filing a tax return for your boy Wesley Snipes.

I guess this means we won't be seeing Blade 4....which, in my opinion, is a very good thing.

Here's my Obligatory true Wesley Snipes Story

When I was in ninth grade, there was a girl from another school I was trying to go out with. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend, and I couldn't get her to cheat on him with me (yeah, I was THAT prick in high school).

Me: So, you don't want to meet in town sometime this week?

Her: I told you I can't. I've been with _______ for six months now.

Me (Trying to sound bad-ass): Well, you know what they say....

Her: Uh, no.

Me: Always bet on black.

Her: Silence, then Ok. I'll talk to you later.

I guess, in retrospect, you should probably BE black if you're going to use a line like that. I never talked to her again, and that was OK, because....remember....I was a prick.

I think back, though, and wonder what would've happened if I said Drop that Zero and get with the Hero.

That would've been REAL bad.

Off Route 75 Presents: Mother-In-Law Lunacy-Episode One

2006-10-13T23:39:00.001-04:00

I've decided the time is right for me to begin a regualar blog post on the consistent, predictable lunacy that is my mother-in-law. I know that, at least twice a week there are several things that will happen where my mother-in-law is concerned:

1. She'll eat somewhere, and spill food on her shirt like a three-year old.
2. She'll buy $10-$20 of the most useless crap at Goodwill.
3. She'll try and pawn some little homeless cat off on me!

As we sat down at O'Charley's for dinner tonight, my father-in-law looks at me and says, "You should considered making fun of your mother-in-law on your blog."

I sat for approximately three or four seconds, then I said, "That's the best idea I've heard for about three weeks."

FIRST THIS

PLUS THIS

EQUALS THIS

That's right. She could probably drink everyone who frequents this board under the table. I don't know why my father-in-law never took up drinking....since he's the one who should want to spend his evenings in a relative haze!

I don't care if people hate this blog....as long as I get a chance to expose the freakiness of my mother-in-law, I'll take the chance!

Off Route 75 Presents: Laughing Out Loud - Volume One

2006-10-10T10:57:00.000-04:00

The pictures speak for themselves. Go check out Player vs. Player. It's a great site!!!

Sweet Jesus, I'm still laughing!!! PvP is my new favorite website!!!

Full Measure

2006-10-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

The man hears the cry of a small child from across the city. The child is hanging from his window, and his grip is failing. The man is in the middle of a press conference and he knows time is of the essence. He slips away from the pack of reporters, and out the back door. The alley is clear, and he begins to run. He pulls off his shirt, and reveals the symbol of his life and family. The Last Son of a dead world speeds across this world to save another life.....

As the rain beats down and lightning crashes, the heavens themselves threaten to empty their full contents onto the dark streets below him. His mortal enemy is roaming these streets tonight. He must find the enemy before any other innocents fall to his insane madness. As he drops from the parapet into the open air, he knows it will take every last ounce of his skills to track the madman who brings fear to his city. He's a detective and a protector of the weak. The Code he follows is one his enemy will not honor, but the night is young....

The boy runs toward the building threatening to collapse. There are so many innocents inside, and the brave firemen and police won't be able to save them all. As he drops his backpack on the ground, books go tumbling into the muddy grass damp with water from the giant hoses used to fight the fire. He allows himself a quick, selfish thought. I'm going to be in trouble when I get to school tomorrow, he thinks. It takes him less than one second to shake the thought from his mind. One word spoken aloud brings the power down to him in a blinding flash. Where once stood a boy, stands a man. The man is there only for an instant, then he speeds toward the building in a swirl of red and gold....

The man receives a call telling him to hurry to the side of his youngest son. While the situation is far from a crisis, it is still one that requires utmost haste. The child has fallen in and out of episodes of illness, and will probably continue to do so until his weak immune system can recover from the pounding RSV gave it last January. He walks quickly into the building and hears the loud, unmistakable cry of his son. He scoops him up and carries him to the waiting vehicle. The man looks around and pulls off the jacket covering his under "armour," the armour is revealed when the jacket is removed. Underneath that jacket lies.....a gray American Eagle T-Shirt. He throws the jacket into the passenger seat, starts up his Toyota, and drives to the doctor's office....as fast as his vehicle (and Route 60) will allow.

Possibilities seem endless when you live the life of a superhero, don't they? Superheroes can go where they want to go, when they want to go. Superheroes can fly through the night sky, or "flash" through streets unseen. Superheroes can walk through walls, or level a wall with their fists and walk into the opening created.

Of course, being a superhero has its drawbacks, as well.

Superhero=Steward

It's so cliche to actually use the phrase "With great power comes great responsibility," but there is serious truth in those words. To be considered a superhero is to work without a vacation. Even if Superman decided to vacation in the Bahamas for a week, the cries of help (coupled with whatever natural disaster was heading their way, I'm sure) would facilitate the need to keep the "blue pajamas" packed in a suitcase. I'm sure he'd roll over, sigh, and take off to save things again.

But this is at the center of the psyche of a superhero. You can't decide to be a superhero, and put in a request to have Christmas off. It doesn't work that way. If you're a superhero, then you're one full-tilt. No backing off, no retreat. Those in the world of "meta-humans" know that those who don't fight for the weaker of us (i.e. all us weakling mortals) end up in a category diametrically opposed to the hero (whether they like it or not).

Superheroes do have a responsibility to protect those who look up to them (figuratively and literally). These superheroes must remain vigilant in their oversight, ready to do combat (physically, psychologically, and ideologically) those who would suppress the innocent masses.

Superhero=Parent

In the "desert of the real," we don't have superheroes. Superman, Captain Marvel, and Green Lantern still fly through the sky at blazing speeds, but only in the inked-blue of the comic books stashed in my desk. I guess it makes me a fanboy AND a dork that I still read comics, but that's OK. Everybody needs some escape-coupled with a chance to relax-from time to time. When I was young I would race to my mother's car after school, knowing full-well she had two or three new comic books waiting on me (Friday was new comic book day back then....now it's Wednesday). I loved reading the Superman/Batman team ups, as well as Green Lantern building toward issue #200.

I raced to my mother's car for another reason, as well. In this real world, my mother was my "superhero." She didn't fly through the air, she wasn't impervious to pain, and she didn't drive particularly fast navigating the streets of Williamson, WV (sorry, mom!). What my mother did, however, was protect me. The "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" usually skidded off the protective shield my mother wove around me. Like a superhero, there were times when things happened and she couldn't protect me. Superheroes will make mistakes, and the gravity of their mistakes can be world-altering. When a parent makes a mistake, it may not be headline-news fodder. But that mistake can shake the fragile psyche of a child. Thankfully, I never had anything of that magnitude happen to me. My mother, to this day, remains my hero. On a daily basis I can still feel the protective shield around me. It may be weaker now that I'm an adult and not living underneath the same roof, but it's still there. It's still my mother's committment to me, and her never-ending promise to keep me safe (or as safe as she can) from harm.

Parent=Superhero

I can see myself through the eyes of my children. I can see how they look up (literally and figuratively) to me. I can see how their world is made, broken, and remade by the decisions I make. My wife and I continuously discuss ways to be better parents. We'll talk about things we could've done differently, and how we'll handle them the next time need arises.

I am a "superhero" to my children. I use that word in the loosest of terms. Most of the time, I'm too tired to save the world (much less play in the floor). I'm impatient and cranky after a long day of whining and grabbing toys from one another. This doesn't stop our sons, however. If my oldest son is upset and I leave the room, his cries of "Daddy, don't leave me!" Stop me in my tracks. My children are, at the same time, my elixir and my kryptonite. I allow myself brief daydreams of a selfish nature where my wife and I can watch whatever we want (no $300 Wiggles tickets to purchase!), sleep as late as we want, and go wherever we want. I put those thoughts out of my mind, however, as I realize that would mean my children never came into existence. They would never have taken their first steps in our living room. They would never "pee-pee in the potty" for the first time. They would never run to me at daycare, screaming "Daddy!" and racing into my arms. I would never be able to "weave" my own "shield of protection" around them, maintaining my own form of vigilance against people, places, and electrical sockets that would do them harm. I would never step into the chamber like Superman (In movie number two), to sacrifice the responsibility of flying to the rescue of my children. Being a father is better than travelling faster than a speeding bullet, anyways.

Steward

The truest definition of steward (in my eyes, at least) is "one who manages for another until they are capable of managing themselves." As a parent, I am a steward for my children. I am steward of their thoughts, ideas, ability to appropriately socialize, and education. My wife and I know our children will learn more from us than they are apt to learn in schools. I must ensure my children enter the world as protagonists, rather than the diametric opposite. They must respect others, regardless of their opinions, they must listen to others while comporting themselves respectfully. They must be ready to defend their ideas (and safety, God forbid) if the need arises. One day, I'll take my mother's place when she is no longer here. I'll be the one who watches from afar as my sons don the capes and tights as parents. By this time, a new generation of superhero will become steward to their children, and my time will on this earth will be over. Until then, however, I will continue to cast the "shield" around my children, no matter how far away they are.

Still here!

2006-10-02T13:24:00.000-04:00

I haven't lost the "blogging bug," I've just been extremely busy! Don't worry, I'll be posting again in the next couple of days. I've got a good one brewing, until then, think about Screech and the porno he made. That should keep you away for awhile!! LOL.

Three Questions of Significant Importance

2006-09-21T11:21:00.000-04:00

So, I wanted to do a fun little post. I want to know three things from everyone who chooses to respond to this post (apparently blogger fixed the "beta" problem, as I have been able to regularly comment again on the blogs of others).

1. How did you come up with your blog name?

2. What do you find so fascinating about blogging?

3. Are you trying to escape your significant other by doing so?

Here are my answers.

1. I'm extremely self-deprecating....only so I can beat my wife to the punch! I don't feel like I have any words of wisdom to really add, therefore I think most of the stuff I put on here is pretty useless. Hence the name, Useless Drivel.

2. For me, the act of writing apparently releases endorphins, or something. I like to blog when I have time. It's a nice "release" from the "real world," if you catch my drift.

3. I can't escape....she always finds me! LOL.

Your turn, peeps.

Bellwether

2006-09-20T13:21:00.000-04:00

Bellwether (n)
Pronunciation: 'bel-'we-[th]&r, -"we-
Etymology: Middle English, leading sheep of a flock, leader, from belle bell + wether; from the practice of belling the leader of a flock
Definition: one that takes the lead or initiative : LEADER; also : an indicator of trends

I can honestly say I've never used this word before. Sure, I've heard it bandied about (especially during election years), but I've never been able to use the term. I guess that means I'm not "uppity" enough to use it, who knows.

I am, however, using it today. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke before the United Nations General Assembly yesterday. During his speech, he said

"Regrettably, the persistence of some hegemonic powers in imposing their
exclusionist policies on international decision making mechanisms, including the
Security Council, has resulted in a growing mistrust in global public opinion,
undermining the credibility and effectiveness of this most universal system of
collective security."

Before wrapping up his speech (in which he used the word "peace" 18 times), he finished with this:

"I emphatically declare that today's world, more than ever before, longs for just
and righteous people with love for all humanity; and above all longs for the perfect
righteous human being and the real savior who has been promised to all peoples and
who will establish justice, peace and brotherhood on the planet."

Now, honestly, at first glance, nothing this guy says seems all that bad, right? I mean, he sounds like he's a peaceful person who doesn't want to create any "ripples" in the already choppy waters of the middle east, right?

If you find yourself agreeing with my last two sentences, then you can go ahead and close your browser....because this blog isn't for you.

This is the same President of Iran that hosted a conference in October 2005 entitled, ever so sweetly, A World Without Zionism. This is the same Iranian President who said, at this conference, "Very Soon, This Stain of Disgrace [i.e. Israel] Will Vanish from the Center of the Islamic World - and This is Attainable."

Does this sound like a man of peace to you? For this man, who is held in thrall to the Shi'ite Imams, to come to the United States and denigrate us IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK is completely unacceptable. What is even more unacceptable is seeing how little coverage Al-Hitler got from the "big three." I watched, in disgust, as Brian Williams played footsie with Ahmadinejad when he was interviewed.

This is the same man who, in last year's General Assembly, closed by saying:

"From the beginning of time, humanity has longed for the day when justice, peace, equality and compassion envelop the world. All of us can contribute to the establishment of such a world. When that day comes, the ultimate promise of all Divine religions will be fulfilled with the emergence of a perfect human being who is heir to all prophets and pious men. He will lead the world to justice and absolute peace.

"O mighty Lord, I pray to you to hasten the emergence of your last repository, the promised one, that perfect and pure human being, the one that will fill this world with justice and peace."

What exactly is he talking about, you ask? Why does he pepper every speech with talk of a "perfect human being" and terms like the "last repository?"

He is talking of his fixation on the 12th Imam. Ahmadinejad is so fixated on this person he actually, when he was mayor of Tehran, had the main street redesigned so when the Mahdi returned so he would "travel in leisure and comfort."

Here's the scary thing: I believe this guy.

I believe he really his preparing for the world to be "cleansed in blood" prior to the Mahdi's return. I think he is extremely lucid and sane when he makes these comments. His "sleight of hand" attempts to pull the world away from his real intent work fairly well. All the while, Ahmadinejad continues to be the voice of an all-too-eager Islamic movement to establish a middle-eastern caliphate under Sharia law. Read up on his views and objectives, which are too many to list here (besides, I've got work to do).

While we sit idly by, Islamofacists (notice I didn't say all Muslims) who follow this guy are gearing up for jihad, war, armageddon, or whatever term you wish to use. I fear not so much for me, but for my children. It is my sons who will probably have to live in full-fear of a realized Caliphate in the middle east. It is my sons, and the sons and daughters of others, who will have to figure out how to support our lone ally in the region (Israel).

Ahmadinejad is the true definition of a bellwether, I just hope there aren't as many lambs led to the slaughter as I fear.

The Ballad of Pete Rose

2006-09-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

You can sing this to the tune of Night Moves by Bob Seger, if you are so inclined.

Number 14, sure has gained a few pounds,
To go along with his gray hair, oh, he was once renown.
then came that wonderful September night,
broke Ty Cobb's record, from a fastball high and tight.

....fastball high and tight....

Back in the summers, when the Reds had Dave Parker,
it seems about that time, 'Ol Pete started calling in his markers.
When the noose tightened in 1989,
and Bart Giamatti slapped the ban on him for life.
It seems he'd steal away, any chance he could...
to the bookie, to the track, to the two-bit street hood.
For Ten Large a day, he wasted his career went down in flames...
That's what happens...

Bettin' on the Night Games,
Tryin' to make some fast cash on your name.
Bettin' on the Night Games,
In the summertime.
Sweet, summertime, America's pasttime.

Woke up to the sound of thunder,
how many baseballs to sign today, he sits and wonders.
Charging little kids, for a baseball from 'Ol Pete
Only $100 bucks a ball, now isn't that sweet?

No ticket to Cooperstown, no bust in the Hall.
Now all I can do is write "I'm sorry" on a few baseballs.
Could've been the greatest Red, you ever did see,
but Johnny Bench and Joe Morgan, took all that from me.

Now I'm blame myself, but still some things don't change.
For the right price, I'm sorry, for bettin' on the Night Games

Wiggles in the House!

2006-09-15T10:37:00.000-04:00

Yeah, having two kids is sometimes a trying experience. Case in point: These guys. I used to hate these guys, and didn't want my kids to go anywhere near them. Now, the Wiggles and Doodlebops are all my sons will watch (with a dash of Barney and Elmo thrown in).

Sadly, The Wiggles are in my head now. I can't go ten minutes without singing "Wake up Jeff!" ,"Point your fingers and Do the Twist", and "Quack-a-doodle-do." I swear I'd still like to beat Captain Feathersword up and sink his boat, but I won't (for my kids, of course!). On November 10th, The Wiggles are coming to Huntington, and I'll be there with my insanely expensive seats. My oldest son better appreciate this when I'm 80 and can't take care of myself. Hope he has a bedroom ready for me....cause I'm going to say, "Don't you remember when I took you to see the Wiggles? All I'm asking is for you to help change my Depends. That's not so much considering what I had to sit through...."

The Doodlebops are coming to Charleston in October, but my wife and I had to sit through Barney last week and we both think Moe is a little too much to handle, so we nixed that idea of going to that show.

Blogger is Pissing Me Off

2006-09-11T20:55:00.000-04:00

Well, if you've tried to post comments on my blog, you know you can't (unless you signed up for blogger beta). If they don't fix this in a couple of days, I'm moving my blog somewhere else.

I just wanted you guys to know I'm aware of this crap going on. By the way, it also keeps me from commenting on your blogs, too.

~75

Bow Before Me......

2006-09-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

When you literally have nothing else to gloat about (like me), then you've got to grasp at something to end your workweek on a positive note. That one thing for me is my unparalled ability to stomp anyone in my vacinity when playing Paper Football. I'm like the '85 Bears, '92 Cowboys, and 2003-2004 New England Patriots.

I've run roughshod over my co-workers the last two days to go an unprecedented 9-0. No one can stop the greatness that is "Off Route 75."

*sigh*

I'm such a scrub....but I am also the master at the same time! lol

Controversy? Whatever.

2006-09-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

So anyways, I was over at The Film Geek's blog the other day when he wrote about his excitement (and some trepidation) to attending the first Marshall/WVU game since 1997. (Funny blog, by the way).

One of his regular commenters wrote about how she had been to the '97 game and made a crack about a shirt she had denigrating WVU alumni. To be honest, I think most shirts I see making fun of Marshall (on the backs of WVU fans) are pretty humorous. There's no reason to get mad. It's a free country, and besides....that's all part of the game, right?

Apparently, it's not to some. Charles decided to write The typical Marshall fan is so obnoxious toward WVU....that it draws the ire of the most beligerant[sic] of them. He also made mention that most people (especially in Morgantown) could care less about the game between Marshall and WVU.

I've lurked around various message boards on ESPN and Herdnation.com to know it's not only the most belligerent WVU fan that usually has something negative to say about Marshall.

What irked me was hearing someone actually downplay the game. Sure, Marshall has tried harder to get this game going. Why shouldn't they? Look at how much attention other instate rivalries around the country get. Heck, just look at UK/Louisville and you'll see (not to mention Georgia/Georgia Tech, Clemson/South Carolina, All of the Florida teams, and Notre Dame vs. Everbody....ok, that last one doesn't count).

In my response to his post, I questioned his ability to call Marshall fans obnoxious, without so much as a derisive comment in the direction of WVU. Bottom line is this, he posted, I posted. He responded. I responded. In the end, I made a joke, and told him I liked his blog....which I do.

This morning I glanced at his blog and saw he devoted a whole blog to my "ebullient" and overly sensitive attitude toward his comments.

Oh well. Hey, it's a free country, and there's no reason to get mad about it. Sometimes I make responses on blogs that, I think, sound humorous and shouldn't necessarily be taken at face value. I tend to forget, at times, the usage of words on a computer screen don't convey the connotation (behind those words) that a "face-to-face" conversation would provide.

Am I passionate about Marshall sports? Sure. Do I take umbrage at the comments of naysayers (whether intended or not)? Of course.

Does that mean Marshall Sports is right up there in my "top" most important things in my life? Not even close.

Saturday evening, when the game is over, I'll either be ecstatic or annoyed. Either way, the sun will rise on Sunday morning....and the most important things in my life (my family) will be there with me...whether Marshall wins or not.

Everybody have fun watching the game Saturday, no matter whose colors you wear (or don't wear).

Points to Ponder: Labor Day Edition

2006-09-01T10:17:00.000-04:00

Hope everybody has a nice, extra long weekend. I did the whole Points to Ponder back around the Fourth of July, and thought I'd do it again. Hope you enjoy (and that no one finds this obnoxious).

1. Notre Dame or Georgia Tech? (Go Irish!)

2. Autobot or Decepticon?

3. Midnight Express w/Dennis Condrey or Midnight Express w/ "Sweet" Stan Lane?

4. Kill Bill Volume One or Kill Bill Volume Two? (Saying "both" doesn't count!)

5. Clean up my driveway or do other, uh stuff?

6. Catch up on some work or, er, other stuff?

and finally....

7. Marshall or WVU?

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Saddam loves him some South Park!

2006-08-29T12:28:00.000-04:00

Apparently, when "El Presidente" was captured by US Forces in Iraq, Saddam Hussein was allowed to watch TV....

....Unfortunately for him, it was his portrayal in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

I bet he loved the part where he played top to the Devil's bottom. Not only did he have to watch it, but he had to watch it repeatedly. I wish, just once before he is skinned alive on Iraqi TV, he would yell, in the courtroom, Respect my Authoritah!

That would be worth the price of admission in itself (provided I didn't get carbombed or gunned down on the way out of the building).

Click here to read the story.

Christmas in August

2006-08-21T11:08:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year when I get a twinkling in my eyes and a tingling sensation in my thumbs. No, it's not from being peppered sprayed and beaten by my wife as some sort of sick joke.

Madden 2007 is here!

I'll be celebrating along with millions of others on this festive occasion (not to be confused with Festivus).

Off Route 75 Presents: Top Five Horror Movies of All-Time

2006-08-18T10:23:00.000-04:00

I am a horror film junkie. Although, I need to point out something: If I am the "Sherlock Holmes" of Horror films (including viewings, trivia, memorabilia, etc.), then my own brother is Mycroft. Those who know about Mycroft Holmes also know he possesses infinitely greater intellectual and deductive prowess than younger brother Sherlock. Of course, I am referring to horror films, and not intellectual prowess (although my brother is very smart). I'm making the point that, if I know a heck of a lot about horror movies, then my brother knows about a thousand times more than me!
Okay, now that I've digressed, I can progress.

5. Prince of Darkness

John Carpenter was at the Zenith of his greatness in the late 70's and 80's. Prince of Darkness was the second part of Carpenter's Apocalypse Trilogy, and to me is one of the scariest movies of all time. I geek over religion-themed scary movies, and any movie with Victor Wong and Donald Pleasance has to get a nod. An abandoned church, a cylinder containing the essence of pure evil, Alice Cooper as a possessed, homeless vagrant intent on murder (c'mon, he used the back end of a bicycle for the love of Pete!). Doesn't get much better than this, folks.

4. Alien

The tag line of Alien was "In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream." A secondary tag should've been "...but Yaphet Kotto will be there to beat your ass!" (Nah, not really).

I'm not sure how anyone could NOT have Alien on their own top five list. This movie really pioneered the female "action hero" genre, that I've got to say hasn't been surpassed since this 1979 classic. Nowhere to run, and only able to hide behind Tom Skerritt's mustache, the crew of the Nostromo eventually have to "fight or flight" the alien.

On an unrelated note, John Hurt has not been invited to dinner since 1978.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street

The first Nightmare on Elm Street was a credit to the horror genre. Freddy Kruger's appearance on the scene of gore and teen-killing (hey, he wrecked Johnny Depp in his initial film debut) paved the way for plenty of souls to be collected, tortured, and in some cases, placed on pizza as a meatball topping. Watching Freddy pop out of the shadows on the catwalks of the boiler room and stalk big-haired teenagers through their dreams will be forever etched in the pantheon of pop-culture.

2. The Shining

Before Jack Nicholson became a caricature of himself (I don't know if people will agree with me about that or not), he made great movies like "One Flew Over the Kuckoo's Nest," "Terms of Endearment," "Five Easy Pieces," and "The Shining."

Kubrick's version/vision of The Shining had some serious differences from the book, but that doesn't take away from the film itself. Nicholson's descent into madness is one of the greatest character studies of all time.

He (Nicholson) also peed on James Spader before killing him in Wolf, and that was kinda cool.

1. The Exorcist

If anyone tries to argue with me about The Exorcist NOT being the scariest movie of all time, I'm gonna punch you in the face!...(or at least talk about your mom or girlfriend).

Max von Sydow plays Father Merrin, a Catholic priest who has encountered the Devil and his minions on several occasions. Father Kerras, battling his own personal demons, is called upon to investigate some real demons possessing poor little Regan McNiel. Apparently, demons like to pee in the floor (when guests are over, no less!), crabwalk backwards down the stairs (probably easier than riding the bannister, anyways), and become sexually forward with their own mothers.

Jokes aside, this psychologically disturbing film goes straight to the heart of us...and proves that, when we've looked everywhere within ourselves for Evil, there's always the possibility Evil isn't just some innate, primitive urge within us. Evil is real, Evil is mean, and Evil will screw you up and throw you down some concrete steps the first chance it gets.

....Before you Point Fingers....

2006-08-10T13:43:00.000-04:00

Think about what some of these Democrats said. Their words still ring true today, even if the party isn't listening.

"Responsibility for political conditions thousands of miles away can no longer be avoided, I think, by this great Nation. Certainly I don't want to live to see another war. As I have said, the world is smaller, smaller every year. The United States now exerts a tremendous influence in the cause of peace. What we people over here are thinking and talking about is in the interest of peace because it is known all over the world. The slightest remark in either House of Congress is known all over the world the following day. We will continue to exert that influence only if we are willing to share in the responsibility of keeping the peace."

-Franklin Delano Roosevelt
March 1, 1945
Address to Congress concerning the Yalta Conference

"It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war."

-John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Luck of the Draw

2006-08-04T12:14:00.000-04:00

There are days when I truly love my job (seriously). Yesterday was one of those days. The agency I work for finally got some new referrals from the state, and two of them were in my area of West Virginia. When my supervisor handed them to me, I was excited to hear they were three and four year old boys, respectively. Working with kids is easy. Working with adults, who have some cognitive understanding of their environment but are not tolerant to change, is hard. Nevertheless, it's an obstacle one has to face in my field.

After reading the psychological reports, I thought I would definitely have my work cut out for me, especially with one child in particular. Tactile defensiveness, physical aggression, self-injurious behaviors, and sensitivity to loud noises all promised to make my first visit to his home anything but routine. The psychological (completed in October 2005) also related the child did not interact appropriately with others in his environment (i.e. very disruptive and attention seeking) and would not make eye contact with others. So, with a deep breath I walked up the front steps and knocked on the screen door.....

.....within seconds I was greeted by a beautiful child. Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a shy, almost knowing smile greeted me as his grandmother let me in through the front door. As they led me to the living room, I looked back into the hallways of the house for the child I was supposed to be visiting. I expected to hear screaming, or at least some banging on the walls that would alert me to his presence. We sat down, and the little boy sat down beside of his grandmother. Thankfully, my head works faster than my mouth (sometimes), but I still had to ask, "Is this ________?"

She smiled, and said, "Yes."

Within seconds of my arrival, not only was he aware of my presence, making eye contact, and appropriate socially (well, as appropriate as any three year old!), but we were playing "peek-a-boo" as he hid behind his grandmother before darting out to smile and laugh at me (I get the "laughing at me" alot).

Soaking it all in during my home visit, several things occured to me.

I realized I would actually fist-fight with my supervisor (or anyone else) if he was taken off my caseload!

What amazed me is how far this little three year old boy had come in so short a time. Born into this world with a mother who apparently could care less about him and more about drinking (while she was pregnant) and drugs (allegedly), already his outlook did not look good. From the time he was three months old, his mother would strap him in a car seat, put two bottles on either side of him (so he could feed himself) and leave him in front of the TV for hours at a time. During his first few months of life, he was apparently also subjected to other "aversive environmental" issues best left usaid here. After five months of laying in diapers that should've been changed six hours ago and an infection on his groin area that had to be lanced and stitched, the grandmother grew weary of sitting idly by and came to get his rescue.

After three months in West Virginia and an agreement with the mother that would allow grandmother to keep him during the summer, the baby went back home to be with (a hopefully improved) mother. While in grandmother's care, the baby was beginning to babble and catch up developmentally with other kids his age. Finally, it looked like things may get back to normal (or as professionals in my field say, "typical").

Alas, that was not meant to be.

After three weeks with mother, grandmother was called and told she (the mother) couldn't "handle it anymore." The grandmother could tell something was wrong with the baby when she came to pick him up. He no longer talked, he could not stand to be touched by others (tactile defensiveness rearing its ugly head), and would scream any time he went near a bathroom.

I sat in awe as this story was passed to me, enraptured like a child listening to ghost stories around a midnight campfire. Grandmother said, "I refused to let him go without knowing that I love him. I would take his face in my hands, make him look me in the eye, and say 'I love you and will always be here for you.'" It almost made me cry when she said, during periods of intense behavioral problems, she would hold him and say, "We will get through this."

After two and a half years of listening to so-called "professionals" tell her it was not good for a child with Autism to have "so many toys," or hear them say "you may as well face the fact he will never talk," or, my favorite, "you just need to learn how to control him," they have both perservered.

Watching grandmother take the child's face in her hands to kiss his cheek and say "I love you" was sweeter than almost anything I have seen outside of my own children. Watching him "model" this act by taking his grandmother's face in his small hands, smile, and say "I love you, nana" was almost too much to bear. I had come in with expectations of restraint, maladaptive behaviors, and a frazzled grandmother begging for any help I could provide.

I was surprised beyond expectation.

On my way back to the office, I thought about what had just transpired. They weren't any thoughts I haven't had before, but still poignant today.

How could God let a child be hurt like that?

Why do the innocent pay the price for those who are more deserving to suffer?

I shook off the questions, and continued to drive back to my sanctum sanctorum before going home that evening.

Luck of the Draw, I've heard muttered to me more than once, and I tend to agree. I was dealt a royal flush (Ace high) in the lives of my wife and sons. Others weren't so lucky....but the strongest and most determined of them would tell you different.

It hit me as I played with my sons in the bedroom of my youngest. God does have a plan for those innocent children who bear the "scars" (sometimes physical as well as psychological) of their parents' misdeeds. Who am I to know the "mind of God?" Of course, that won't keep me from asking, since I don't think a giant lightning bolt will streak through the heavens and hit me in the face for doing so.

I realize my sons could have been born with a bevy of problems, and still may face some in the future. The child I visited didn't do anything to deserve the treatment he received at the hands of a mother who has cared more for herself than for the life she was responsible for bringing into this world.

God does have a plan, and his plan was for this child to finally receive comfort and release from the chains of despair and betrayal. His grandmother is his Rock, upon which the formative years of his life will be built. She is God's gift to him.

Maybe he is God's gift to her, as well.

And maybe they are both one of God's gifts to me.

Off Route 75 Presents: Top Five One-Liners of All Time

2006-07-26T15:59:00.000-04:00

Yes, we could argue this list forever. I know some may remind me of quotes I had not even thought about, and that's ok. I'm trying to not put as many "Easter Eggs" in my blogs, but I don't know if I can keep that self-imposed promise or not. We'll just have to see what happens!

5. One day, you and I are going to have a serious disagreement.

-Hawkeye
“Last of the Mohicans”

I wouldn't make a Native-American raised Pathfinder mad. Plus, he could probably kill you with his Long-rifle from about ten miles away. C'mon, he's called "Hawkeye," after all.

4. What we have here is a failure to communicate

-Captain, Road Prison 36
"Cool Hand Luke"

If you can fight the system after being put in the box, digging ditches all day, and keep from getting shanked in the ribs while waiting in the dinner line....then you're ok with me!

3. First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire.

-Roland Deschain, of Gilead
"The Dark Tower"

The "Dark Tower" saga was Stephen King's magnum opus. Never have I been so engrossed by a story as I was while reading the Dark Tower stuff. Leading up to the end (approx. five to ten years before the Dark Tower ended), I ate up every tantalizing reference to the Crimson King that would appear, seemlingly out of nowhere, in King's writings. I highly recommend you read this, even if you're not a Stephen King fan.

2. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

-Old Klingon Proverb
"Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"

Yes, I am a Star Trek fan. I don't care what anybody says, ST:II TWOK was the best movie. Ricardo Montalban as a genetically superior bad-ass, Spock dying, Kirk an Admiral....and space battles. What more could you want in a movie?

1. Mister, we deal in lead.

-Vin (Steve McQueen)
“The Magnificent Seven”

Even though I didn't get to watch any of McQueen's movies unitl I was older (and appreciated the non-commerialization of older movies), I still think the character's he portrayed were great. Plus, he hung out with Yul Brenner. It's hard to beat that.

God I Hate WVU: Part Two

2006-07-19T14:14:00.000-04:00

As the game approaches, my anger towards USPAM intensifies. In today's Daily Mail, wvu reportedly bought back the rights to air the football game from ESPN.

Perfect.

After all the complaining the Couch Burners did with the date of the game and the time (remember, we could've had a prime time slot as the ONLY football game on TV), ESPN apparently started shopping the game around. West Virginia Media Holdings apparently offered $200,000 to buy the rights to the game. WVU Associate Athletic Director Mike Parsons related USPAM bought the rights to the game for $175,000.

There are several repercussions for this:

1. No national exposure (only WCHS in our area will probably cover the game).
2. Couch Burners will probably air only USPAM ads during the game (instead of airing some Marshall ads, as well...or at least play the wvu ads 6:1).
3. WVU bought the game out WITH TAXPAYER DOLLARS IN EXCESS OF $175,000!!!!!

Since WHEN was f%$cking USPAM in the TV business?!?! THEY AREN'T!!!!!!

I bet Joe Manchin tore the ligaments in his other knee when he heard about this. So, once again Marshall fans can expect bias from the announcers, just like we do every year Marshall beats wvu in the Capital Classic.

You know, the main problem I see with this is the simple fact wvu doesn't gain much from doing this. All their doing is ensuring the game is watched on a regional level, meaning no national coverage. It also bears mentioning that even after wvu took money out of my pocket to buy the game back they STILL DON'T HAVE A DAY AND TIME THE GAME WILL BE PLAYED!!!!

Sorry guys, but it really looks like the Couch Burners are simply trying to keep Marshall out of the national spotlight during this game.

This is why "The Faithful" hate wvu. Laugh it up guys. Go to Pittsburgh or New Jersey and see the sites. Start a couch fire. Do the things you're good at. Meanwhile, the Herd will do the things we're good at: Winning.

See you soon, bitches.

Israel's Good Fight

2006-07-14T14:22:00.000-04:00

Once again, turmoil threatens to envelop the Middle East. Any time we've heard the words "uneasy truce" or "cease fire" when describing Israel and her neighbors, we all know it will only be a few months before they are at each others throats again. I wanted to talk about the latest "conflict" between Israel and her enemies (there's no other way to describe them). It would be not only ignorant, but ill-informed to say Israel is direct enemies with all of the nations in the region (except two). Israel diplomats have been in Egypt within recent months, as well as warming to other states in the Middle East (at least, warming as much as possible) like Jordan.

While tensions have been running high of late along the Palestinian border, things have altered course dramatically. On June 26, an Israeli soldier was kidnapped in a raid that left two other Israeli soldiers dead. As is their modus operandi, the terrorists who kidnapped this soldier demanded the release of Palestinian political prisoners being held by Israel. Israel has played this game in the past, unfortunately, but this time the price was too high and the “bargaining chip” was too dear. Almost immediately, Israel called up her reserves and began searching for the kidnapped soldier. The Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade kidnapped a second Israeli soldier soon after the first.

It’s safe to say Israel is surrounded by her enemies. Plans within plans within plans are the best way to describe the machinations of Israel’s enemies. Hamas is in control of the Palestinian government. Hezbollah guerillas are funded by Iran and and Hamas is funded mainly by Syria. Radical Islamists would enjoy nothing better than to see Israel "wiped off the map". Unfortunately, those words came from the president of Iran.

Israel has not been complacent during these times, either. A nice fly-by of Syrian President Bashar Assad sent a message to the Syrian government (which continues to fund Hamas). Israel has also taken out military targets in Beirut, and continues the offensive in Gaza.

There is a point to me writing all of this: I’m tired of everyone looking at Israel as the aggressor. While it would be idiotic to portray Israel as totally innocent, it would be equally as idiotic to say there was a recent provocation to kidnapping Israeli soldiers. There’s a nice, long laundry list of countries who denounced the Israeli offensive in Gaza and Lebanon. Russia, China, France, and Greece all denounced the attacks. Germany and the Vatican called for hostility on both sides to end, at least. What the media doesn’t tell you is Russia, China, and France all have financial stakes in the region, and they believe forming a “friendship” with these Middle Eastern countries is the key to their success. That key, obviously, opens the Big Black Door: oil.

All one has to do is look at the rising cost of gas to see the influence of some of these countries. It’s not just political/environmental pandering that causes $3.00/gallon gas. It’s the ascending Dragon in the east that is to blame for much of the oil troubles of the world. China’s close ties to Iranian and Sudanese oil dictate they oppose any sanctions against those countries (or their allies).

It’s also common knowledge Russia, France, and China are angry with the United States invasion of Iraq and toppling of Saddam Hussein. Their financial relationship with Iran (like their former relationship with Iraq) would also be in jeopardy were anything to destabilize Iran’s current regime. Therefore, the strongest criticism you see at the bloated, bureaucratic, anti-Semitic organization (also known as the U.N.) comes from those three countries just named. Only a veto from the United States rightfully kept the U.N. from condemning Israeli military action in Gaza and Lebanon.

Where’s the condemnation of the actions of Hamas and Hezbollah, not to mention their “surrogate parents” Iran and Syria? Where’s the official U.N. condemnation of targeting civilians in Israel with their rockets? Where’s the official U.N. condemnation of capturing Israeli soldiers? I’m sure Hamas and Hezbollah are conforming to the Geneva Convention.

There aren’t any countries in the region that wouldn’t benefit from Israel’s destruction. Israel has to act aggressively to curtail the actions of those who would jeopardize her people. The Jews have been persecuted almost since the beginning of recorded history. Their backs have always been “against the wall,” and they must maintain intense vigilance during these periods of “bravery” by terrorists and their state-sponsors. After all, it takes a brave person (or persons) to target civilians, doesn’t it?

The United State must defend Israel from her enemies. This has nothing to do with any religious beliefs I hold, this is just simple fact. Israel in the only friend the U.S. has in the region. Our ally keeps our foothold in the oil fields of the Middle East. Without our support Israel’s outlook would be grim, indeed. It is also the United States that keeps Israel from unleashing the full spectrum of their military arsenal. I’m also fairly certain Israel would go “scorched earth” before she surrendered to any invading force. As long as Israel has our support (militarily, economically, and morally), then hopefully we can keep any crisis in check.

Without the United States, who would Israel depend on? The U.N.? Fat chance of that happening anytime soon.

Only from the Mind of "Dilbert"

2006-07-11T12:56:00.000-04:00

I just visited Scott Adams'site, The Dilbert Blog. If you like Dilbert, it looks like a pretty cool place. The very first paragraph I saw on the blog had me laughing for five minutes! Here it is:

"My favorite conspiracy theory is the one that says the world is being run by a handful of ultra-rich capitalists, and that our elected governments are mere puppets. I sure hope it’s true. Otherwise my survival depends on hordes of clueless goobers electing competent leaders. That’s about as likely as a dog pissing the Mona Lisa into a snow bank."

Funny stuff! Go check him out!

Night Watch?....DON'T WATCH!!!

2006-07-11T12:27:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I think all I'd have to do to make a movie is this:

1. Grab a video camera
2. Grab a lamp or flashlight (for proper lighting)
3. Pick up some homeless guy from the 9th Street Plaza
4. Give him a bottle of Thunderbird as salary.
5. Make him read a few sentences on a rumpled, dirty sheet of paper.
6. Have vampires attack him and lay his body on the steps of the Public Library. I thought about ninjas(most notably Sho Kasugi....but I don't think I could get him here on time).
7. Collect check for "Witty" or "Ingenious" movie.

Night Watch is one of those movies that just makes me angry. Is it the fact Russians made it? No. I like some foreign films, honestly. This movie just really rubbed me the wrong way. It was all over the place, with no type of continuity. If you don't have me in the first 15-20 minutes, you'll never have me. The downfall of Communism must've been pretty hard on these scrubs, because Night Watch is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It ranks right up there with Austin Powers: Goldmember, The River King, and Waterworld.

Sorry if I stole your thunder, Film Geek, but at least I called you and gave fair warning!

Blogger Templates and You

2006-07-10T14:54:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or does everyone else have problems from time to time with their blog due to the template?

I'm not trying to be vain, and I actually DO have stuff to do, but I couldn't take it anymore!!! I hope this new template works out.

Off Route 75 Presents: Top Three Comic Book Heroes

2006-07-07T14:50:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody, I've been a little busy this week, so I haven't been able to finish my Top 10. Sorry about that. Anyways, here we go!

3. Superman

While he's not Number One, the Last Son of Krypton still clocks in at number three. You can throw some kryptonite around his neck, try and kill his woman, or even kill him, but Superman is still here fighting for "Truth, Justice, and the American Way." As long as the big yellow "battery" is still shining in the sky, you can bet Superman will be flying in and saving the day for some time to come.

2. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

Green Lantern, Hal Jordan in particular, is number two on my last as the greatest comic book heroes of all time. Even though Alan Scott was the first Green Lantern, Hal Jordan is the proverbial "Man Among Men," in this case.

However, Hal Jordan's stint as Green Lantern hasn't been as virtuous as, say, Superman. After Superman's death, Jordan watched as his beloved Coast City was destroyed. When he tried to recreate the city, the Guardians on Oa didn't like that misuse of power (which Jordan has done before) and demanded he stand trial. So.....like any right thinking superhero he proceeds to annihilate the Guardians and decimate the Corps, renounce his station as a Green Lantern, and adopt the moniker Parallax. Jordan shook free of the parasitic creature known as Parallax, and after a brief stint as the Spectre, he was reborn into the world again. Here's to many more adventures with Hal Jordan.

In brightest day, in blackest night
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil's might
Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

God, that's the sweetest oath ever!

1. BATMAN

I'm not sure how anyone could have a top ten without Batman as the Number One. What superpowers does the guy have? None. Can he fly? No. Does he have superhuman strength? Nope.

What Batman does have is the ability to ramp up the "psychological fear factor" to a magnitude of 10. Plus, he has some of the sweetest tecnological gadgets around! The 1960's weren't too good to Batman, thanks to Adam West. Don't get me wrong, West is a funny guy, but the Batman of today would stand over him and glare menacingly until West either cried, urinated on himself, or both.

Thanks to Frank Miller, our version of the Dark Knight is the poster boy for a brooding, tortured soul. If one were to talk to Bruce Wayne about football, girls, or the Stock Market, you'd never be able to peer into the deepest, darkest recesses of the soul. After he lost his mother and father, he honed his body and mind to the peek of human conditioning. Being a billionaire playboy isn't everything, and Batman would probably give all of that up to take back the murder of his parents.

It's almost as if you can still see the pain of a nine-year old in Batman's eyes. You can see the loss of innocence, and the extremes he takes to ensure no one has to suffer the pain he went through.

Though Batman may be at odds with other Superheroes, that's not a fault. That's what makes him cool. Doing his own thing, protecting the innocent while fighting the darkness that threatens to swallow him whenever he puts on the armor, is what makes the Dark Knight the greatest comic book hero of all time.

Points to Ponder: 4th of July Weekend

2006-06-30T14:22:00.000-04:00

As we approach the grilling mecca of the year, I'm deep in thought about these questions. Look, I just want answers, and need someone to help me out. Here we go:

1. Steak or hamburgers?

2. The new Repairman Jack paperback or Wisdom of our Fathers?

3. The Original Four Horsemen or Degeneration X?

4. "Boogie Woogie Man" Jimmy Valiant or "Pistol Pez" Whatley?

5. X-Box 360 or Cut the grass?

6. Rub my wife's feet or cut myself (so I can FEEL, man!)?

7. Goatee/Beard or Clean Shaven?

8. Cincinnati Reds or Boston Red Sox?

9. Monk or The Dead Zone? (both excellent)

10. Blog or actually do work?

Off Route 75 Presents....Top Ten Comic Book Heroes (#7 through #4)

2006-06-28T11:28:00.000-04:00

7. Wonder Woman

It would have been so totally wrong to try and keep Wonder Woman out of the Top 10. While I'm not her biggest fan, she's the quintessential comic book heroine. Wonder Woman has undergone a lot of changes over the years. She's even gone as far as killing to ensure those she cares about are safe. Regardless of how she's currently viewed, she's still one of the greatest protagonists in comic book history.

6. John Constantine

No morals. Smokes. Laughs at the Devil himself. Calls people "a lousy git" constantly. British.
If those aren't five reasons why John Constantine shouldn't be in the Top 10, then I'm not sure what else to say. He's not a superhero, and is actually one of the few comic book characters to age in real time (he's fifty-three now). Even though 53 is a bit "long in the teeth" for your average hero/anti-hero, Constantine has mystical power at his command that would make the Blair Witch look like your average Halloween hoakster. While Constantine is usually in it for himself, he will almost always thwart the plans of demons (and angels) when he feels the need. He's got no problem with sending those "deserving" straight to hell. He's seen the demons who claim these tortured souls in action, and he knows one day they may come for him. If this guy isn't the "flagship" for your anti-hero needs, then no one will suit you.

5. Spiderman

Your "friendly neighborhood Spider-Man" weighs in at number five. Spiderman is one of those guys who walks a very fine line between his responsibilities to protect those who need it, and protect those who need it more (namely, his family). In the Marvel "Civil War," Spidey actually unmasks and reveals himself on the steps of the U.S. Capitol. For me, some of the greatest Spide-Man comics included Venom and Carnage set against the "wall crawler."

4. Wolverine

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is as bad-ass as Wolverine. To me, Woverine (or Logan, if you prefer) represents the baser, more primative side of us all. It also doesn't hurt to have an innate healing ability that would've healed Joe Theismann's injury in about five seconds. Wolverine is one step from a raging, uncontrollable beast (and that's just before he gets his morning coffee). While Wolverine's exterior is all teeth and claws, inside he's vulnerable. His murky past and uncertain future leave him in a constant state of angst, with his back, quite literally, to the wall. Wolverine's preternatural senses (hearing, smell, sight) combine with his agility to make him a formidable warrior. It also doesn't hurt to have the indestructible adamantium bonded to your skeleton, except when Magneto pulled it out of his body through his pores (ouch). Wolverine continues as a conflicted character, finding a few moments of peace before his enemies take that from him as they have so often before. Unfortunately for them that's when the claws, quite literally, come out.

Off Route 75 Presents....

2006-06-27T13:53:00.000-04:00

The Top 10 Greatest Hero/Anti-Hero Comic Book Characters

Since I don't have anything to do right now (except my monthly billing and fulfilling other contractual obligations), I thought it would be a good time to list my favorite comic book heroes of all time. We'll start with #10 and work our way down to #1.

This first installment will include numbers 10 through 8. Be patient, I can't sit here all day!

10. Cyclops

Cyclops has to be on my list just because the guy has been around for so long. Forget that "X-Men:The Last Stand" crap. Cyclops is here to stay, and I'll be a ruby quartz optic visor that he could beat you down.

9. Dream/Sandman/Morpheus

If you're unfamiliar with Neil Gaiman's work, then you're truly missing out. Aside from his novels "American Gods" and "Neverwhere," Gaiman wove a wonderful reality from 1988-1996 through his "Sandman" series. Morpheus, the King of Dreams, isn't one of those stirling, polished, "good guys." I mean, he also manifests some of the scariest nightmare creatures this side of "In the Mouth of Madness." Still, a great anti-hero, proving even a god can be imperfect.

8. Captain America

Seriously, Captain America is still one of the most recognizable comic book heroes this side of Marvel. The Cap first appeared in 1941, and immediately got to work fighting the Nazis and their ilk. Steve Rogers was originally a scrawny "fine arts" student prior to the US entry into WWII. Rogers is selected to receive the Super Soldier Serum when puts him at the top of the mortal food chain as far as strength and reflexes are concerned. Captain America is still around, but he's currently in hiding from the government in the Civil War crossover.

My next issue will include numbers 7 through 4.

Is It Just Me....

2006-06-26T09:22:00.000-04:00

or does Three O'Clock High get better every time I watch it?

Celebration of "Mighty Max"

2006-06-23T10:24:00.000-04:00

Little Max just celebrated his first birthday. His mother put a video montage together to show the "roller coaster" his first year of life has been. This just reinforces the point how important a loving and supportive family is to the life of a child. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday Mighty Max!

God, I HATE WVU

2006-06-22T13:28:00.000-04:00

I am so tired of wvu (affectionately known in these parts as the Unversity of Southern Pittsburgh at Morgantown, or USPAM) acting like they are the only university in the state of West Virginia.

You guys in "Morganhole" have continued to Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge for the last nine years.

Do I think Marshall would have won all of those games we could've been playing? Of course not, and that's not the point!

The point is, you guys should know we weren't going to play in Morganhole every year. I mean, we'd have to dodge the burning couches to get out of town.

Now that Manchin (another reason why I like him) strong-armed you guys into playing us every year, you waffled on the date of the game. If wvu hadn't floundered or attempted to evade setting a date, we could've been playing this game IN FRONT OF A NATIONAL AUDIENCE AS THE ONLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME ON TV!!!!!!!!

What were you thinking? I don't want to hear the whole "three games in eleven days" crap. Other teams have done it (e.g. Southern Miss).

Bottom line, you were afraid a Marshall win would spell disaster for your recruting, and your "stirling" national reputation (as if all those Don Nehlen bowl Losses didn't do that already).

Too bad.

My boy Joe is going to take care of that.

Shedding Some New Light

2006-06-22T09:12:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, just saw where some "declassified" information was released by the National Ground Intelligence Center on the existence of Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.

The chemicals found mainly appear to be Sarin and Mustard Gas. Looks like Hussein lied about there being no WMDs in Iraq. I think we should ask Syria next.

To see the report, click here.

A Non-Partisan Affair

2006-06-21T12:54:00.000-04:00

"It behooves a father to be blameless if he expects his child to be."
-Homer

Being a father is one of the greatest gifts God could bestow on us mere mortals. Not because you have the ability to shape a young child's mind, or so you can "carry on" the family name. We are allowed to become fathers so we can be stewards for those who carry on long after we're gone from this Earth. Being a father isn't just about both of you napping on the couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Being a father isn't just about taking the training wheels off of a bike and watching your child ride down the sidewalk on a summer day.

Being a good father means getting up in the middle of the night when you have to work the next day.

Being a good father means being there when times are tough, as well as when they are good.

Being a good father is hard.

Two weeks ago, I was perusing the vast blog world when I came across the blog entitled WV Political Sweatbox. The blog mentioned WV Senate minority leader Vic Sprouse (R-Kanawha), and ongoing divorce from Amy McKinley.

I know divorce in a part of life today, unfortunately. Grown men and women are free to follow their heads and hearts (whether they are misguided or not). Too often, though, when the marital aftermath lies in smoking ruins, it is the children of that marriage that suffer more than anyone. As always, it's the innocents among us who get the proverbial shaft.

This is not to say both parents are to blame. In many cases, one person bears the majority of the blame. Sad to say, the minority leader of the Republican party in the WV Senate appears to be that "one person" in this case. It's not his alleged inability to remain faithful to Ms. McKinley that disturbs me the most. It's not his position as head of the "family values" party, of which I am a member, which disturbs me the most.

It's his apparent lack of concern for the health and well-being of his son that disturbs me the most.

In fact, it doesn't just disturb me. It sickens me.

Literally.

Looking at the blog, aptly titled Mighty Max,you can see why I would be sickened. Max is a beautiful boy. You can actually feel the indescribable depth of his mother's love as you read her words. Ms. McKinley doesn't go out of her way to "demonize" Vic Sprouse on her blog. While she does mention, from time to time, general issues surrounding her divorce, her words are almost always about Max and his continuing struggle with CHARGE Syndrome. It breaks my heart to see the pictures of these children who are beautiful inside and out.

Ms. McKinley related to me Senator Sprouse continues to resist paying the "future living expenses...as well as paying mileage for the hundreds and hundreds of miles to Seattle Children's Hospital every month." Ms. McKinley's accurate portrayal of the fact she will have to be a "full time caregiver" for Max has so far fallen on deaf ears.

From what I gather, CHARGE syndrome requires extensive surgery for the child, and this is likely to continue over the life span of this child. Max continues to face physical hurdles, and Amy will be running along side him for the duration.

Max will forever be physically disabled, but it will not defeat him. Even though my heart cries out for him (and those who endure CHARGE with him), I know he will win the war. The most debilitating physical ailment cannot touch the secret place inside him. The physical pain, though intense and real, bounces off and bounds away. CHARGE cannot touch the Divine spark imbued by God. CHARGE cannot affect his soul, or lay it low. He is shielded by the innocence of child, and the love of his mother and family.

Even the greatest politician and orator cannot describe the inner-strength Max displays.

Vic Sprouse is on the outside looking in. I hope he is acutely aware his unwillingness to compromise with Ms. McKinley doesn't hurt her the most. Because Ms. McKinley struggles to do the job of two parents, it is Max that suffers the "sins of the father." I applaud Ms. McKinley's steadfast and unflinching courage in the face of her son's physical struggle.

As for Mr. Sprouse, maybe he should consider what "family values" really means. I'm not talking about what family values means from the senate floor. I'm talking about what it means when you pull in the driveway and your child is waiting at the window for daddy to come home. Maybe then he will be able to take up the mantle, and responsibility, of what it means to be called "father."

Why My Brother-in-Law may be a Conservative Republican....nah!

2006-06-19T15:23:00.000-04:00

I promised my brother-in-law I would post these. Since he uncovered my secret "progressive" desires, I decided to blow the whistle and unearth his conservative tendencies.

From: Off Route 75 To: Jedi Jaywalker
I just think your're misinformed. I think, you truly want to be a conservative Republican, but the subliminal messages you receive from the ACLU and George Soros have confused you. If you feel the conservative inside of you ready to wear a nice pair of khakis with a button up shirt, even when you're relaxing around the house, then you, my friend ARE CONSERVATIVE. Here's some other indicators:

9. You think Ann Coulter should be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
8. You're caught in Bill O'Reilly's "No Spin" Zone, and you can't get out!
7. You kiss the autographed picture of George H.W. Bush goodnight before bedtime.
6. Ronald Reagan is your hero.
5. You're for tax cuts....as long as it cuts your high-interest yield.
4. You secretly wish you got as much ass as Bill Clinton.
3. You carry a pocket size can of Lysol to spray on all of the patuli-smelling hippies
2. You have Jack Abramoff on speed dial
and
1. You have a mounted "Dick Cheney" Gunrack in the back of your truck.

The Importance of Father's Day

2006-06-18T10:05:00.000-04:00

This post doesn't need any other words for me.

I Might Actually Be A Liberal Democrat....Nah!

2006-06-14T23:17:00.000-04:00

My brother-in-law and I trade our political musings back and forth over email. Even though I haven't asked him if I could repost this, I don't think he'll mind (although he could sue me, unfortunately, but I'll take that risk). Enjoy.

....Your email made sense, as much as mine ever do at least. I think that I know what you're saying. You're saying that deep down you just want to be a liberal Democrat but don't know how to take the first steps. Well, I'd suggest starting with baby steps:

1) go out and hug a tree for a while
2) tour a winery so you can feel superior to those who don't understand wine like you now do 3) start voting for some of those guys with the little "D" next to their name
4) stopwatching Fox news and get all of your political views from watching E! andreading "People"
5) bow to the throne of Oprah, let her into your heart
6) go out and spend time around poor people - you don't have to actually talk to them- just get the feeling that you really don't want to be a poor person and feel sorry for them
7) start tipping big...it's sort of like paying higher taxes but at least you get to control it.

If you can follow these "7 Steps for Accepting that You May Be a Liberal Democrat" (TM, R)* then you can gradually come around to seeing the world the correct way...the left way. I wish you well in yourjourney of discovery.

*Note: this 7 step program is not endorsed by any Democrat that I know, but ifyou like it you can send me $12 via PayPal or via U.S. Mail.

I was laughing my a$$ off when I finished his email....but now I must "one-up" him by finding some ways to see how he "Might be a Conservative Republican." I'm sure I'll involve Dick Cheney somehow.

By the way, I actually didn't vote a straight Republican ticket....I voted for Manchin!

Things Could Always Be Worse....

2006-06-14T22:34:00.000-04:00

You could be married to this creepy piece of trash (but only if you hate America and gays)

Shirley Phelps-Roper...ready to send YOU TO HELL!!

or....if you're female (or somewhat effiminate)....maybe this suits you:

Creepy European Guy (aka-Udo Kier)

Just remember when you look across the room at your significant other....you could either be in church or protesting funerals with Shirley Phelps-Roper, or in some creepy European film noir with Udo Kier chasing you through narrow alleys.

Unlucky Bastard of the Year: Abu-Musab al-Zarqawi

2006-06-09T09:14:00.000-04:00

This isn't a political post, and I'm definitely not saying this means the struggle will all of a sudden stop. However, this piece of filth killed 10 Iraqis to every U.S. Serviceman in Iraq. He's also blown up weddings in his own home country of Jordan. Here's a picture of the recently departed.

By the way, there were massive celebrations all over Iraq yesterday when the people learned this bastard was killed. Here is one of them. These are policemen in Najaf, Iraq.

The reason why this guy is so unlucky is because when the whistle of the bomb got close, he probably prayed to Allah to deliver his soul into paradise. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't surrounded by 77 virgins when he opened his eyes...and he wasn't in paradise.

Welcome to "paradise," al-Zarqawi. Pull up a chair. Stay a while. Try to avoid the demonic rape squads and vats of boiling oil.

For you, Hell begins today.

One Reason Why I Love "The Onion"

2006-06-07T12:29:00.000-04:00

For those of you who read The Onion and follow Major League Baseball, this is for you! I found this today on their website.

Royals Hire Tom Emanski To Teach Them Fundamentals Of Baseball

June 1, 2006 Onion Sports

KANSAS CITY—With their offense floundering, their pitching the league's worst, and their footwork on double-play balls atrocious, the Royals (12-37) announced Sunday that former youth-baseball coach and instructional-videotape producer Tom Emanski would join the team in a specially created fundamentals-coaching role, designed to help the Royals get back to basics and start playing winning baseball the Tom Emanski way.

Royals owner David Glass reportedly contacted Emanski after watching his team suffer an embarrassing 15-4 loss against the Yankees on Saturday. After viewing tapes of this and past games, and noting that his players were displaying poor mechanics in the second phase of their relay throws, were failing to execute the "call the cutoff" play, and were not hitting the baseball, Glass immediately hired Emanski—the man whose patented practice techniques once produced back-to-back-to-back AAU national champions—in what analysts are calling a last-ditch effort to turn the Royals season around.

"From everything I've heard, Mr. Emanski sounds like a wonderful asset for any team—a must-have for players and coaches alike," Glass said as he observed his players sitting in a circle and rolling baseballs to one another, an exercise Emanski says "fosters teamwork and teaches players how to field ground balls"—two of the many basic skills that have been noticeably absent from the Royals 2006 season.

"Tom has a proven track record at molding young, inexperienced athletes into major-league-caliber baseball players," Glass added. "I'm just hoping he can do the same with our Kansas City Royals."

Emanski said he welcomed the challenge of working with the Royals, and vowed that, if the players follow his revolutionary training methods, he will be able to add 6 mph of arm strength to each starting pitcher in five weeks, cut down on the team's mental errors, and "take the mystery out of hitting."

"The first thing I did after Sunday's game was gather the players and ask all 25 of them what each one thinks is the most important part of baseball, and an astounding 21 of them said 'hitting home runs,' including seven pitchers," said Emanski, who stressed to them that "defense wins ballgames." "The second thing I did was line them up against the fence and hit sharp line drives at them from 20 feet away to improve their reaction time."

"It's called the Missile Drill," Emanski added. "Builds team character."

Before Monday's game, Emanski taught the Kansas City infielders and outfielders how to properly throw a baseball, outlining the three main steps to making strong, accurate throws—the "stride and set," the "90-degree hip swivel," and the "full, fluid follow-through."
"It was a little rough going for some of the guys, but we're taking it slow," Emanski said. "I think now it might be time to let up a little bit and switch gears into 'Encouragement Mode' for a few games to get their confidence back up."

"Coach Emanski taught me that, when I'm fielding the ground ball, I should stay down, stick my butt out, and count the hops," said shortstop Angel Berroa, explaining the method Emanski designed to help Little Leaguers and Royals infielders watch the ball all the way into their glove. "Once Coach Emanski also taught me how to count, the technique worked out great."

Although most players are reportedly "learning a lot" from Emanski, claiming his methods are "fun, educational, and make good baseball sense," some of the Royals veterans are resistant to throwing away everything they know about baseball in order to be taught these new fundamentals.

"I don't see how trying to throw balls into a metal garbage can laid out behind home plate is going to help my defense," said Royals right fielder Reggie Sanders, who has yet to record a single outfield assist since July 12, 2005. "Tom says it will be more rewarding once I start actually getting the throws to go into the cans, but I'm beginning to think that it's impossible."
"I'm not going to stand around hitting off a kid's tee—I'm a professional baseball player," said Royals first-baseman and No. 3 hitter Doug Mientkiewicz, who is batting .258 on the season with one home run and 14 RBI. "This is an insult."

The afternoon after speaking to reporters, Mientkiewicz lost his temper during B.P. and swung as hard as he could, missing the ball completely but creating enough of a breeze to gently knock the ball off its stand. Emanski had to restrain him from angrily swinging his bat at the tee in an attempt to break it, and told Mientkiewicz to take a lap around the field to calm down.

"In this game, attitude is key," Emanski said. "Some of the guys get angry or upset when we're doing Greenie Board Batting Practice, in which I give each player five swings, and I rate each swing on a zero-to-four scale. But I believe this is the only way they'll ever learn to swing through the ball."

"Of course, even if you master all the fundamental drills—the Bare Hand Drill, Soft Toss Creep, 'V' Drill, 'X' Drill, and Rocket Relay—there is still the issue of talent," Emanski added. "I'm no miracle worker. But, with a lot of hard work and a little luck, I truly believe that a few of these Royals will someday have the skills you need to play in the major leagues."

On this "Day of Days"....

2006-06-06T13:31:00.000-04:00

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of liberty loving people everywhere march with you. I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory! Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.

General Dwight D. Eisenhower
Order of the Day
June 6, 1944

There is one great thing that you men will all be able to say after this war is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy shoveled shit in Louisiana.' No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie Patton!'

General George S. Patton
"Speech to the Third Army"
June 5th, 1944

This morning for me was like all other mornings: terrible. Terrible because I have to get up and drive forty-five minutes to work. Terrible because I’m actually expected to stay there (work) for an extended amount of time. Terrible because I’ve got to get up tomorrow morning and repeat the whole process all over again.

The last few days amid the storm of drive-by media, armchair generals, and radical “haters” of our military men and women (on both sides of the political spectrum) have helped galvanize my view of the bravest of us. These men and women aren’t drafted like they were in Vietnam. They volunteer to serve their country. While our military offers some great benefits for those who give their service to our nation….I would suggest those benefits don’t outweigh their lives. This fact alone makes our military servicemen and servicewomen even more special. Does this mean our military personnel are perfect? No. Does this mean some of the alleged “massacres” didn’t happen? No.

What it does mean, however, is they deserve a “fair shake” by those on both sides. Most of us have no clue what it’s like to be surrounded by hidden enemies, be unable to speak the “common” language of that area, and be thousands of miles away from those who matter most to us: our families.

I would submit most of us also have no clue what it’s like to come under “small-arms” fire, have a rocket-propelled grenade aimed at the vehicle you are driving, or to see our friends and comrades torn apart by an improvised explosive device. I think those who readily accuse our soldiers of atrocities on a daily basis would change their tune. Projecting your desire for peace, hand-holding, and love for those around you only allows a sniper to paint the back wall with your brains in the current settings where our military is deployed.

Such is the nature of war. It sucks. I wish all of our brave men and women could be back here with their families. I wish all of the families who have lost sons, daughters, fathers, and mothers could have those people suddenly appear at their doorstep and say, “Hey, there was a mix-up. I’m home for good.”

Sadly, that is not and never will be the case.

These men and women gave the Ultimate Sacrifice, and they gave it voluntarily. I for one am grateful to them. They allow me to raise my children without the fear of oppression.

Sixty two years ago, on a stretch of beach in Europe, June 6th was terrible for different reasons.
America’s finest young men threw themselves at German machine guns in the early hours of June 6, 1944. They did this to preserve us from the yolk of tyranny and fascism. Churchill, during World War II, said, “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.”

When the ramps lowered and the English Channel splashed across the floors slick with vomit, these men found themselves staring into the Gates of Hell. Some took not even a step before German machine guns sent them from this world. Others drowned. Yet others were torn apart by German mortars. When the Invasion of Normandy was complete, some 29,000 Americans were killed, with 106,000 wounded or missing.

This was The Greatest Generation at its finest. Courage is not being without fear. Courage is being afraid but going anyway.

Our young men and women defending our country today are quickly becoming known as “The Greatest Generation.” They aren’t sloughing through Bavarian forests, or clearing out island caves today. However, they are going door to door and rooting out an enemy that does not know the meaning of courage. Only a coward would hide in the midst of children. Only a coward would put innocents at risk. This is the nature of evil in our time.

There are no great and rolling battlefields.

There are no fortresses that will fall with a prolonged siege.

There are ideologies that must be overcome. There are “enemies,” both foreign and domestic. There are those who, whether secretly or not, would love to see our military fail. As I said before, this isn’t a political issue. This is an issue of freedom. Freedom for us and our children is at the heart of this matter. If our military fails, then later generations will pay the cost for our inability to stay the course.

Sixty-two years removed from the greatest invasion our world has ever seen, the beaches are quiet save for the rolling of the waves and the cries of seagulls. The brave men who lived past this “day of days” are quietly slipping into the waiting arms of history and memory. I know these men. These men are in my family. I would hope the sacrifices they made this day, so many years ago, will never be in vain.

Tokyo Jesus?

2006-05-30T13:24:00.000-04:00

I just found an article online that would make believers of the "Bloodline/Holy Grail" Theory (see Da Vinci Code) get in line to boycot!

I just can't imagine Jesus as a samurai warrior. Obviously, I'm being toungue-in-cheek here, since Jesus never went to the "holy land of Japan" and I don't recall any scriptures about rice patties.

Although, I do believe, much to the delight of Eddie Harris, that Jesus Christ CAN hit a curveball (in fact, he'd probably call his shot right before the pitch was delivered).

You can see the whole article here. (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,25689-2201183,00.html)

I actually think these guys are serious when, at the end of the article, they museum curator said “Did you enjoy the museum?” asks Mr Nagano. “If you did, I recommend you go to Ishikawa district. They have the tomb of Moses there.”

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Kevin Costner

2006-05-24T09:50:00.000-04:00

Here’s a guy I actually used to really like as an actor. The first real exposure I had to Kevin Costner was his character “Pilot” in the “Amazing Stories” series that was gone before its time. As a kid, I also loved “Field of Dreams.” Even though I can turn on my television at least once per week and see this movie being played, I still get misty-eyed when he finally gets to “have a catch” with his old man at the end of the movie….right before he becomes a gazillionaire. Anyway, I thought it would be good to go through my opinion of Kevin Costner flicks, separating them into three categories: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Hope you enjoy.

The Good:

1. Dances with Wolves

“Dances with Wolves” is a great movie. While Costner still portrays Lt. John Dunbar in a dry fashion, it’s actually quite good. Dunbar is out on the frontier in little more than a pup tent. Underneath the stars at night, he dances around a bonfire, while the wolf that has been eyeing him from afar finally comes in to join in the fun. Good movie. I’d actually like to have this on DVD.

2. Bull Durham

Costner has repeated the “baseball” theme throughout his career (most noticeably early in his career. “Bull Durham” was another good movie. His character was believable, and he actually played “Crash” Davis with some emotion. Costner is apparently a good baseball player in real life. I remember watching him hit a home run at Coors Field during the All-Star break a few years back. Plus, a movie with a character named “Nuke” LaLoosh has got to be worth something.

3. Silverado

Silverado actually is the first western I watched without being coerced. I hated the genre when I was younger. After watching Silverado, I found westerns to be more pleasing. “Shane,” “Streets of Laredo,” and “Unforgiven” are great westerns, to be sure. Sorry, but “Brokeback Mountain” doesn’t fall into the Western category. C’est la vie.

4. The Untouchables

I think it would be extremely difficult to have a “Good” category of Costner movies without including “The Untouchables.” Costner was riveting (two words not often used in the same sentence…unless you talk about riveting your eye sockets to the floor, but I digress) as Elliot Ness in this one. DeNiro and Connery portrayed their characters perfectly in the movie, as well.

Aside from being what I call good movies, here’s what these movies all have in common: A strong supporting cast. As much as I dislike Tim Robbins and his hetero life-mate Susan Sarandon, they were excellent in Bull Durham.

The Bad:

Here’s where it gets hard. Some of these flicks weren’t all that bad. Of course, I don’t think they were all that good, either. Here we go.

1. Thirteen Days

“Thirteen Days” was an interesting premise and great insight into a period where the United States and the Soviet Union could have simply, quite honestly, destroyed the world. The Bad thing about this movie: Costner’s attempt at a New England accent.
By the way, don’t even get me started about “JFK.” Oliver Stone is one of the worst directors ever. He should be making films for Troma by now….but they probably wouldn’t let him helm the next “Toxic Avenger” flick.

2. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

I might take some flack for this one, but come on….Kevin Costner as Robin Hood? Seriously. Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman were spectacular. What wasn’t so spectacular? Kevin Costner. Seriously, I don’t think Robin Hood was from California. Would it have been so hard to get someone who had an English accent for the lead? C’mon! Even Christian Slater had an English accent in this one!!

3. Wyatt Earp

This one puts me to sleep faster than chasing two Ambien pills with a bottle of Nyquil. The only “modern” Doc Holliday for me, sadly, is Val Kilmer (probably his best role, other than Nick Rivers in “Top Secret”). Costner was boring as usual in this one.

4. For Love of the Game

By now, I hope Kevin Costner has decided to stop making baseball movies. “For Love of the Game” had its moments, which basically means I enjoyed the scenes with John C. Reilly (I love that guy, especially in “Boogie Nights”). Reilly actually came on the Letterman show and talked about what a spankboy Costner was while filming the movie. If he really loved the game, he'd stop making movies about it. This movie makes me want to play Madden on my 360.

The Ugly:

I’m not going to make any excuses about the hatred I have for these movies. Seriously. They suck.

1. Message in a Bottle

Curse you, Kevin Costner! First of all, suck it up. I know you’ve lost somebody, and I don’t ever want to know how that feels….but how lame is it to put a Message in a bottle, find somebody decently attractive, then try and sail to her only to sink your stupid boat. Here's a hint, try Match.com or get your free personality profile on eHarmony next time!! You annoy me….and upset me with Paul Newman choice to be in this movie. I never thought that could happen. It’s all your fault, Costner!!

2. Dragonfly

I should’ve known better than to go and see this one for several reasons. First, it’s Kevin Costner in a “Supernatural Shocker.” Second, it comes to theaters in the dead of winter. Third, No supporting cast to speak of (Kathy Bates’ role is so limited it doesn’t really count). Besides, Costner’s not really believable in this movie. Hated it and wanted my money back. I should’ve asked for a snack refund to, because I had a sour stomach at the end of the “movie.”

3. The Bodyguard

This one just makes me angry. I watched it one time as a kid, and immediately began playing Final Fantasy II on Super Nintendo to get the bad taste out of my mouth. The only thing that makes me smile is thinking about the movie poster in a humorous way. C’mon, who wouldn’t believe that’s Kevin Costner carrying Whitney Houston out of a crack house into the loving arms of New Edition’s own Bobby Brown? I’m glad Whitney’s gone….and please don’t call her a diva. To me, that’s just another four letter word.

For a good bodyguard movie, go rent “My Bodyguard.” That’s a classic.

4. Waterworld

Now we come down to it. The worst Costner movie of all time HAS TO BE “WATERWORLD.” I can’t believe a studio actually spent that much money on it (around $175 million). Costner was typical Costner. Deadpan. Little emotion. Not very likeable. I actually fell asleep in the movie theater watching this one with my friends. They peppered me with popcorn and stuck “Goobers” in my ears. I blame Kevin Costner for this.

Possibly the Greatest MySpace Page Ever....

2006-05-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

I'm sure many of you remember good ol' Tom McGee. Seriously, how can you not remember the newsman who ran Charleston like his own amusement park of lecherous delights? Anyways, somebody actually made a Tom McGee webpage on MySpace. If you don't like cursing and tales of debauchery....don't go there.

http://www.myspace.com/tommcgee

Top Five 80's Cartoons

2006-05-16T11:08:00.000-04:00

I've been over at The Film Geek blog, and reading about some of the old cartoons and television shows we all used to enjoy. I remember getting up as early as I could on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. I would jump out of bed by 7am to catch some Captain Kangaroo. By 8 am I had already had some breakfast, and was deep into watching cartoons like "Superfriends," "Shirt Tales," and "Dungeons and Dragons." I'm going to give my Top Five Cartoons of the 80's, and anybody else out there can feel free to agree, disagree, or post your own! Enjoy.

Honorable Mention:

DangerMouse/Bananaman

From what I can remember, these two came on Nickelodeon around 7 pm during the week. Danger Mouse would come on first, and Bananaman came on second. It was my first dose of British cartoons/humor. I guess they're the reason why I find "Faulty Towers," "Rumpole of the Bailey," and "Are You Being Served?" funny.

Fraggle Rock

Okay, so I know it's not a cartoon per se, but I loved it nonetheless. Just watching the Fraggles run around in their little cavern still pulls on my heartstrings. My wife and I recently found them on DVD. We brought them home in hopes our oldest son would find them funny. Unfortunately, our son's crack-like addiction to Elmo keeps him from enjoying Fraggle Rock as much as mommy and daddy.

#5- Superfriends

This show first came on around 1978, but continued in some form or another through the 80's. I've got to admit I love comic books, even though I haven't bought one in a very long time. I like my superheroes dark and brooding. I mean, come on, they've got the weight of the world on their shoulders. Could you seriously imagine Batman hanging out at the Hall of Justice? Seriously, I don't even think Superman would go in unless he could see Wonder Woman naked (of course he does have X-ray vision, so I'm sure he already has). Regardless, I loved Superfriends as a kid....but I've always hated Apache Chief. What does "Enuck Chuck" mean, anyways?

I hate you, Apache Chief. Go back to selling fireworks, running the blackjack table, or something.

#4- Dungeons and Dragons

Dungeons and Dragons first came on in 1984, when I was in third grade. It's loosely based on the role-playing game....but a lot cooler (if that's even possible). This little gnome-looking guy called the Dungeonmaster pulled some kids into the D&D world through a roller coaster to do battle with this ugly evil character.....though I don't remember his name. Anyways, it kept my attention for 30 minutes.

The Dungeonmaster: High on Life, brotha!

#3- MASK

If you remember this show, but say you didn't like it OR that you didn't want "Boulder Mountain," then you're a dirty liar! Matt Trakker and his team (Bruce Sato, Alex Sector, and Hondo McClain, to name a few) were the Mobile Armored Strike Kommand. They faced of against Miles Mayhem, Sly Rax, and the bad guys and gals from Venom on a weekly basis. Trakker was your typical, Captain America-esque, leader. What made this show cool was they all wore these masks that gave them special powers. If I had a Mask, my special power would be to make it look like I was working at my desk while I'm really sleeping in the bathroom.

#2- Smurfs

Yeah, they're number two. I loved these guys, and they took up a good chunk of my Saturday morning pleasure. They were always happy, used the word "smurf" alot, and Papa Smurf was the mack daddy of the smurfs. These little guys "Jumped the Shark" when Pee-Wee and Johan came along. Should've kept all humans except Gargamel out of it....they would've been better off.

#1- Transformers/GI-Joe (Tie)

I had to give both of these the respect they deserved. Regardless of whether you think one's better than the other, if you were a boy growing up in the early 80's these were the two types of toys you couldn't live without. I remember staging epic battles of Autobots/GI Joe versus Decepticons/COBRA throughout the living room of our house. The worst memory I had as a young child, however, had to do with Transformers. I remember opening up a present on Christmas morning to find Megatron (the Decepticon Leader) staring back at me. I was elated, ecstatic, and all those other words to finally have a Megatron vs. Optimus Prime "Winner Take All" battle. Unfortunately, when trying to transform Megatron from Luger pistol back to his robot form, I broke him. He stayed in my closet for another six years. Sad.

Well, that's the top Five. No, I didn't forget about He-Man, Shirt Tales, or the Get-Along Gang. Those guys are definitely in my Top 10.

Quote of the Week: May 15, 2006

2006-05-15T15:09:00.000-04:00

"Maybe one day you'll have superpowers like me, you dirty thetans!"

Asshat of the Month: May 2006

2006-05-12T13:35:00.000-04:00

If there's a reason for me to have an Asshat of the Month....it's this piece of crap right here. Seriously, why did he have to write a letter? Ever heard of email or telephone, Mahmoud?

Annoying People

2006-05-12T10:36:00.000-04:00

Whenever I go to some type of training-I enjoy conversation and debate as much as the next person. I like to hear what others have to say during training. I like it when other people share their experiences in the field. I really like it when they slip up and I can pounce on them like a lion into a crowd of unsuspecting gazelles.

What I like most about trainings, however, is the possibility I’ll be getting out early. If I’m scheduled to be in training until 4:00 pm, I’m geeked to get out by 3:15. It makes you feel like you are getting a present for no reason. Like the time my mom bought me Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet,” or like the new Dean Koontz paperback my wife bought for me (I’m sure there’s an ulterior motive….I just haven’t figured it out yet).

When somebody goes overboard with their comments, however, I become extremely annoyed. When the onslaught of commentary begins at 9:15, I just roll my eyes and mutter under my breath. By 3:30pm, however, I’m as flamboyant as Liberace playing the piano by the light of a twenty-piece candelabrum. I act like I’m falling out of my chair, roll my eyes in a grandiose manner, and sigh as if it could be my dying breath.

If you haven’t noticed, it’s ALWAYS that one person. He/she (in this case a she, so I’ll continue this discussion in the feminine) sits in the front row. She keeps her eyes glued to the trainer, making the kind of eye contact that could only be broken by alien invasion, a tsunami, or a snacky-cake sitting in front of her. It’s not just her attentiveness (annoying to us “slackers” in the back of the room) that draws my ire. It’s the fact she WON’T STOP TALKING. All she’s doing is regurgitating what the trainer says by adding her own experience to the subject.

Unbeknownst to her, we aren’t there to share every life experience she’s had since womanhood. I don’t care if she’s the only person in Clay County who does what she does. I don’t care that she doesn’t have kids, but her cats are like her “children.” I REALLY don’t care that your cousin has a miniature horse that sleeps inside the house (that’s 100% true, and the tidbit that pushed me over the edge).

I swear people like this talk to simply hear themselves talk I don’t think it’s because I’m the only guy in the room with twenty women, either. I could see some of the others looking at their friends as “Chatty Kathy” continued her assault of verbal diarrhea. It’s also annoying when she attempts to counter every statement or add to other statements people who are there for the training make. Like I said, I’ll call somebody out, but even I won’t do it every four or five minutes. I guess I simply don’t care that much about what people have to say, unless it helps me do my job better. Which ophthalmologist in Charleston to refer families to is good to know….but I don’t care about whether one of them is recently divorced and which one drives a new Toyota Sequoia. Does everyone see where I’m coming from now?

Here’s a hint: When asked a question, you should answer it…THEN SHUT UP! Let other people around you get a word in about the same topic. After you finish your own statement, don’t talk anymore unless you:

1. Know the meaning of life
2. Discovered the Unified Field Theory of Physics
3. Know where bin Laden is hiding.
4. Can give me $50.

Maybe it’s because I have to drive over an hour until I get home—maybe not. Maybe it’s because I have to run and finish up some Mother’s Day shopping for my wife and my mother prior to going home. Maybe it’s because I’m so tired I just want to curl up underneath the desk like George Costanza in “Seinfeld.”

Thanks to “Big Mouth,” I’m not going to get out of here until 4pm now; which means I’ll have had to stay the scheduled amount of time. C’mon, who wants to do something crazy like that?

End of Innocence

2006-05-08T12:16:00.000-04:00

First things first: I am a baseball homer. From the time I was four years old until I graduated from high school at the age of 17, baseball consumed my spring and part of my summer. I can still remember hitting a baseball right in the “sweet spot” of the bat and watching the ball sail into the night. Don’t get me wrong, jacking a home run didn’t happen all that often, but I guess I was good enough when it counted.

I’m not writing this to wax poetic on my “glory days” that have long passed me by. I’m writing this because I remember the innocence I felt when playing baseball. Kids in Little League and Senior League (or Babe Ruth, if you prefer), played baseball to have fun, compete, and maybe make All-Stars if we were lucky. In high school things changed, as all of a sudden a scout or two would be at our games against Big Creek, Herbert Hoover, Belfry, Kentucky, or some other school. None of those scouts were there looking at me, but that didn’t keep me from realizing things were getting serious in a sport I had once thought so innocent.

Now, like 99.5% of the rest of Americans, I’m a bystander. I’m outside of the toy store window on Christmas Eve. Except I’m not seeing all of the toys I want, I’m seeing something entirely different: Barry Bonds.

I’m not just seeing Barry Bonds; rather I’m seeing all of the things wrong with the present incarnation of “America’s Pastime,” of which Bonds is only one aspect. I am truly saddened to see Barry Bonds inch closer to baseball’s home run record. I still smile when I see the highlight of Hank Aaron rounding third and some fans that came onto the field smiling and shaking his hand. I love to watch old clips of Babe Ruth waddling around the bases after sending another baseball/victim into the lower ionosphere. When watching Barry Bonds “go yard,” I only get a feeling of dread.

Don’t get me wrong, Barry Bonds is a physical freak. He’s huge. Right before the opposing pitcher mistakenly throws a cutter into Bonds’ wheelhouse, I swear I can hear the baseball scream for mercy. After the baseball splashes down into McCovey Cove some five hundred feet later, I’m fairly certain it died of fright before contact with the bat was made. Bonds’ bat speed is amazing. Nobody can pitch him inside to jam him. He can turn on a pitch faster than a Duke Lacrosse player can hire an attorney. The “moon shots” Bonds has the ability to deliver could help NASA find a cheaper way to Mars.

Therein lies the problem.

When Bonds first broke into the league in 1986, he looked like a rail. That’s not to say little guys can’t hit home runs. McGwire didn’t sport the tree trunk arms in 1987 like he did in the late 1990’s, and he still hit 47 home runs his rookie year.

I always believed in the axiom: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Last year McGwire went in front of a congressional hearing and basically said, “Hey, I’m not going to incriminate myself.” That’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear Mark say he didn’t juice up prior to breaking Roger Maris’ 61* homer season. I wanted to hear him say steroids are deplorable, and that real men don’t need to take shortcuts.

I didn’t hear him say that.

Barry Bonds is in the eye of a category three hurricane right now. As he inches closer to the Holy Grail of baseball records (sorry, Pete, yours is like the Shroud of Turin), the intensity surrounding him will be a levee-breaking experience. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Barry is the only one who seemingly remains unfazed. I hear the eye of a storm is a calm, serene place to be….until the other side of the wall hits you. I hope his family is in the eye with him, and they are sheltered from the devastation Hurricane Barry will leave in his wake.

I love baseball. I love what it still stands for at its core. I love the smell of fresh cut grass, and the smell of a newly-oiled glove. I love watching the Reds in April and May, right before they go into the toilet in June. I love to hate the Yankees (yeah, that’s right).

If Barry Bonds eclipses Hank Aaron’s record, and I’m sure he will, then baseball will have lost something. Where baseball once banned almost an entire team for not playing by its rules, it will have accomplished the ultimate insult: It will have allowed a cheater to hold the most sacred of places in its hallowed tradition.

If that happens the kid in me will hang up the cleats, throw away the glove, and look forward to football season.

Two Quick Questions for the Day

2006-05-04T14:31:00.000-04:00

1. When will John Travolta make "Battlefield:Earth 2?"

and

2. Is it just me, or do the Olsen twins look like zombies in some George Romero flick?

Just wondering what everyone else thought.